


21 Questions

by Ashlee826



Category: Chelsea FC - Fandom, Football RPF, lamperry - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2013-12-20
Packaged: 2018-01-04 20:09:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1085192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashlee826/pseuds/Ashlee826
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank and John finally admit to themselves they are in love but telling the people around them is a little harder. Will telling the world break them or make them stronger?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He always said Frank would be the one he would go for..if he was that way.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time publishing fanfiction and my first ever time doing Lamperry stuff so I'm really nervous. I know it still has some mistakes and typos in it, I've tried to read through it and sort them out best I can. I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Frank had always been special, more than just a team mate or someone John was put on the field with, he was a friend…a very close friend. Maybe that is why he always found himself in Franks arms after a goal, head buried deep in his neck, holding him tightly. It was just the game right, the adrenaline pumping through his veins. He needed to share the joy so he grabbed whoever was closest to him, strange how that was always Frank. But it was just football, just part of the celebration.  
So why was he feeling it now?  
They were sitting in some fancy club, drinking glasses of some stuff he couldn’t pronounce and Frank was there with him as always. But this time Christine was there too and Toni. It didn’t feel right, watching as Christine bent down and gave Frank a slow kiss on the cheek. What the hell was wrong with him? His jeans felt too tight, the lights were too bright, he was sweating and Toni was far too close. He could feel her weight next to him and he shuffled along but as he moved further she moved closer. He could feel the music pumping through his body, see people dancing in the corner of his eyes as he tried desperately not to look at Frank and Christine. He physically flinched as her hand stroked along Franks ear. That was his spot.  
When the hell did he start thinking like that?  
Flashes of Frank fully erect in his tighty whites, flushed face, slow breathing filled his mind. Why did he have to walk in on him wanking? Everything was fine before he had that image burned into his mind. Hot red cheeks, straining material. It was hot, he hated to admit it but his body’s reaction to the thought of his best friend told the whole story. He almost had a semi already. At the thought he quickly rearranged himself and then looked back up. Frank was looking at him with a worried look on his face.  
“Are you okay Jay? You seem a bit off tonight.” He asked, John shook his head and gave out the best fake smile he could. Offering everyone drinks before he got up and left the table, sighing in relief as he reached the bar, ordering a double vodka for himself. They weren’t supposed to drink heavily during the season but fuck it he needed something to mask his feelings. He watched Frank throwing his head back in laughter and then cursed himself for smiling in response. He’d always made John smile maybe not quite like in that moment but Frank made John happy that much was obvious. He always said Frank would be the one he would go for..if he was that way.  
Was he that way? No he couldn’t be he had a wife and kids. He liked sex with women, loved it. Could he be bisexual?  
There would be other signs though surely. He’d never been attracted to a man before. Maybe he wasn’t even attracted to Frank, no he definitely was. The tighty whities sealed the deal. Slamming down another vodka he forced himself not to think about it. Maybe he should go home and have sex with Toni. Fuck her until he couldn’t think about anything, anyone.  
Frank wouldn’t let him get away with that though, of course he wouldn’t. John had barely been gone 20 minutes when Frank was by his side.  
“ Why’d you take so long? Toni left, she said she needed an early night. Also said something about getting up with the kids or something.” Damn that was the distraction sex out the window.  
“ Is Christine still here?” he managed to ask in response, doing his best not to sound pleased at the thought of her absence.  
“ yeah she’s just gone to the toilet, are you really okay?” The caring and worried look of Frank’s face made John want to grab and hold him just like he did on the pitch. But he couldn’t so instead he lashed out.  
“ For fuck sake Frank I’m fine am I not even allowed to have a drink without you pestering me.” He regretted it immediately, Frank’s face had dropped. He looked hurt, rejected.  
“ You know what fine, you can deal with this shit on your own I’m tired of sorting out your messes anyway.” He hit back and then turned his back on John and walked across the club, soon he was lost in the crowd of people but John caught sight of him every now and then.  
“ Lamps.” He called. It wasn’t loud enough, not over the music. So he watched as Frank made it to the other side of the room back into the arms of Christine.  
*********************************************************************************  
He knew it was going to be awkward at training. This was the first argument they’d ever had really, the first serious one and neither of them were backing down. Frank refused to talk to him despite the fact that they had to get changed right next to each other and John remained angry because of the way Franks muscles flexed when he moved, his stomach muscles tensing as he bend down to pull his boxers off..wait what?  
“ What are you doing?” They were the first words John had uttered to Frank since the club two nights ago and it just happened to be whilst he was butt naked, boxers round his ankles. Frank looked back at John like he was mad but thankfully he answered.  
“ Getting changed, I forgot to put the right undies on this morning.” John just nodded because he wasn’t sure he could manage anything else. All his strength was going into not looking at Franks cock. “ Was that just your way of getting me to talk to you again because you know a good morning would have been fine.” John was only half listening as Frank pulled up his usual white briefs but he heard enough to give a reply.  
“ I just think we should kiss and make up before the training,” he swore in his head at the choose of words but then carried on. “ Its bad for the game if we aren’t talking.”  
“ Okay but I don’t even know what you were mad at me for in the first place, I was just trying to be a good friend.” John was fully dressed now, just had to put on boots, Frank was still topless but he was getting there. It made it a lot easier to talk seriously when they had clothes on. John could see that the rest of the boys in the dressing room weren’t quite done either so they had time. He sighed as Frank looked at him for an answer.  
“ I know you were lamps, I was just having a rough night. I’m sorry.” Frank smiled at the familiar use of his nickname.  
“ you could tell me what’s up you know, I’m always here no matter what it is.” He promised.  
“ Thanks.” John smiled, although he knew he would never tell Frank what was up this time.  
**********************************************************************************  
During training he was focused and on point. He had a bit of a laugh with the other guys, even a little laugh with Frank as they tried desperately to steal the ball off each other. Towards the end he decided that he was going to do a little experiment in the dressing room. Without drawing too much attention to himself he looked at each of the boys in turn to try and see if he felt something, if he was attracted to any of them too but he came up blank. He couldn’t look at them for more than a few seconds without having to look away because it felt wrong but then he turned to Frank and allowed himself a few moments to appreciate his form. He had fair hair on his chest above a rippled stomach, straining muscles in his thighs. He couldn’t help but think about running his hands along those muscles to see how he would react. Thankfully Frank didn’t notice him watching, they were so used to being in close proximity to each other, getting changed and climbing in the shower together that it just seemed normal. John was thankful that the other guys were there, coley and mata. He had a chat with them whilst he kept his eyes down, soaping up his own body.  
How had he done this for so many years without looking at Frank, without wanting him?  
He’s never thought about him sexually before, he had no need to. Until he saw him wanking, that opened up a huge can of worms. Seeing him laid out on the bed, cock in his hand that’s what turned him. Now he couldn’t not see Frank sexually as much as he tried to just see him as Lamps again it was hard when he seemed to be bloody naked half the time. As he bent down to receive the shampoo he got a front seat view of Franks arse, peachy and tanned but slightly whiter than the rest of his body.  
Would he give, would he enter Frank or would frank enter him?  
Fuck that was a thought too far.  
“ We are both straight taken men.” John whispered to himself.  
“ What?” Frank asked. John panicked even more so when he realised it was just the two of them now.  
“ Nothing just trying to remember a song.” He lied.  
“ I don’t think I know it.” Frank replied before turning the shower off and running the towel through his hair. As he got a second view of Franks bum he decided that yes, Frank would definitely take it.  
**********************************************************************************  
Later on that night he was sitting in bed with the laptop, scrolling through gay porn. Every time he clicked on one, he had to turn it off within seconds before the discomforting feeling overwhelmed him. But he didn’t understand, he got nothing from watching other men but when he thought about him and Frank, really thought about it, that was enough to make him half hard. He soon come to the conclusion that he wasn’t gay. It was just Frank, that’s the only man he wanted.  
He remembered talking about Fan fiction with Frank and coley at one point, they laughed at how some of the fans fantasized about him and Frank, wrote stories about it.  
They called them Lamperry right?  
He found a whole site dedicated to footballers slash fics and had to giggle at some of the pairings but then he found one about him and Frank and he froze, should he really open it. He read the summary first and that didn’t sound too bad.  
After a hard day training Frank needs somebody to tend to the aches and pains, John’s always on hand to help.  
Then he opened it and begin to read. He was hard by the 4th line, it the description of Frank in the shower that did it. They had his body spot on and John couldn’t help thinking back to earlier. Everything was very similar apart from in this version Frank was groaning as the water hit his aching thighs.  
His breathe hitched as he came into the story, grabbing Frank from behind and marking his neck was a kiss as Frank moaned in agreement. That was when one of his hands slipped from the laptop and into his boxers.  
He was stroking himself at the thought of fucking his best friend but he was too far gone to think about how wrong that was. He pushed the laptop away and let his own imagination take over. He knew exactly what noises Frank would make as he spread his cheeks open and teased him with a finger. He would beg him for more, harder and faster. Then he’d give Frank his cock, slamming into him. John could almost feel his balls against Franks arse, almost feel how tight he would be. He’d lube him up first obviously but that would only help so much. He’d still be tight, his arse wrapped round John s cock..so fucking tight.  
John came breaking the silence of the room with Franks name as his body tensed and the orgasm ripped through him. He was breathing heavily when he came to. His body still aching as he climbed out of the bed and went to clean up. It was only as he looked into the mirror that he realised he’d bitten his lip, so hard he broke the skin. He smirked as he ran his finger across the cut, it’ll be a lasting reminder of exactly how good Frank made him feel.


	2. “ Are we gonna kiss?”

It followed that pattern for weeks, months even, forcing himself to not stare at Franks body in training and then going home for a wank. He’d read most of the lamperry fics on the internet but he’d always add his own ending. The hardest part was when Frank scored against Liverpool and he came straight to John for a hug. He grabbed his hands into John s back, pulling him in so hard.  
“ I did it Jay.” He whispered into John s ear causing butterflys to hit his stomach. He held him tight and told him how proud he was. He didn’t think about sex for once but he did think about how much he loved Frank and that thought scared him more than anything else.  
That was the night that Frank broke down. He split with Christine and that hit him hard. A rumour a couple of months back had spread saying Frank cheated in a hotel in Valencia. There was no truth in it but Christine didn’t trust him, every time he went out she was worried he’d spend the night with someone else. Then she told him that she couldn’t live like that any more. If Frank hadn’t been so hurt John might have been pleased to finally have him to himself. But he was like a broken shell, just distraught and John wasn’t quite sure how to deal with that. He tried taking him out on the piss but that just seemed to make Frank even more depressed. He bought him gifts but as much as Frank appreciated it those didn’t make much difference either. He even thought about hiring him a hooker but he decided he couldn’t do that, pay for a women to have sex with the man he loved, that was too far.  
He’d resigned himself to the fact that he loved Frank about a week after the reading of fan fiction started. He’d never got a look at how their relationship came across from the outside. He never realised how intimate the little touches were, how much the camera actually caught. When their actions were written down in a story it was quite clear they had strong feelings for each other. Well John knew he had strong feelings for Frank.  
But did Frank feel the same way?  
For days he had thought about just kissing Frank to see how he would react but then with the way he was after the split that could just push him over the edge. He needed to know though. It had been months now and John couldn’t take much more of the pretending. He could just explain to Frank how he felt but it made much more sense to show him. He didn’t plan it. They were at John s drinking beers and watching highlights of the days matches. Toni had taken the kids to stay at her mum and dads so the house was empty.  
Through the course of the night they moved closer to each other with each beer. John was trying his best to block out the way Franks thighs stretched the material of his jeans, trying his best not to touch him too much but that was hard when he was under the influence of so much alcohol and plus Frank didn’t seem to mind. It started with just a gentle touch of his fingers against Franks leg as John teased him about sitting like a girl. He told him to sit like a man Frank responded with jokingly swinging his legs over John .  
“ Is that better?” he teased. But John didn’t answer. Frank had his toe pressed firmly against his semi and he was so scared that he would feel it that he didn’t dare move.  
“ John ?” he asked seriously after he didn’t respond. John stayed perfectly still even as Frank moved his foot away and sat up, staring at his best friend for any clue as to why he had suddenly gone silent. His eyes travelled down John s body, then he froze and John knew it that moment that his game was up. There was no doubt that he had an erection and considering the only kind of stimulation he had was Franks body on him it didn’t take long to connect the dots. Frank stayed silent whilst he backed away and that’s what broke John s heart. He backed away, like he was scared of what John would do. He wasn’t some kind of animal, he could control himself.  
“ what? Why? I don’t-” Frank tried desperately to form a fall sentence but the words just fell out of his mouth as he attempted to make some sense of the situation. “ you have a..because I-” because he what, what could he had possibly done to provoke that reaction. John gulped and got ready to explain. It was so hard because he’d held it in for mouths and now the words seemed totally wrong. He couldn’t say he loved him or that he wanted to fuck him so what could he say.  
“ I’m sorry.” He begged “ you were just close.” If he had hoped that would defuse the situation he was wrong. Franks brow just twisted further into confused as he rocked forward.  
“ I’m always close, I hug you in matches, we change whilst inches apart. I shower with you for god sake and you have never ever seemed that excited about it.” It was just like Frank to talk about cock without actually mentioning the word he’d do anything to twist his way out of saying anything remotely sexual.  
“I’m sorry.” John repeated. “ I dunno what you want me to say, its gone now anyway so if we could just-” he mumbled and then trailed off. Frank sighed and then sat back down on the sofa making sure there was space between them.  
“ I don’t want you to be sorry. I just..I want to know why. I mean usually when someone gets hard its because they wanna have sex..are you, do you…with me? It wasn’t a full sentence but it was close enough. John looked down at the floor. Should he tell the truth or lie, he’d been lying so much lately that seemed like the right thing to do but he could resolve this right now if he was strong enough to admit what was going on in his head. After a long moment of silence and Frank shuffling way too much. He finally spoke as quietly as he could, without lifting his head.  
“ Yes. I want you.” He whispered.  
“ right.” Frank answered straight away then let it sink in. Then to John s surprise he didn’t run away he moved closer again. “ What do you want to do to me?” he asked. He sounded embarrassed and nervous but intrigued. John didn’t know whether he was asking just because he was curious or if a small part of him wanted to have sex too. Either way he was asking so it was only right that John answered as truthfully as he could but that wasn’t easy. There was a million things that he wanted to do to Frank but he suspected if he said half of them Frank would back off again. So he went simple, he went with something that he thought wouldn’t scare Frank too much..hopefully.  
“ I want to kiss you first of all.” Frank looked relived like he had been expected John to describe something a lot more sordid but then that relief was quickly taken over by confusion. John could see that Frank was fighting a battle in his head. On the one hand it was totally wrong to want to kiss your straight, married best friend but on the other hand when Frank thought about it he didn’t feel like it would be wrong. John knew how he was feeling because he’d been through that same battle hundreds of times in the last few months so he didn’t pressure Frank he just waited.  
“Okay.” Frank mumbled after a few moments and shuffled even closer. John couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He admired Frank for a moment sat there and really looked at him because now his secret was out there he could take in every ounce of him, from his brightly coloured day of the week socks to his crumpled black shirt. He watched his adams apple bob up and down, longing to touch the slight stubble on his chin. Frank licked his lips quickly in a nervous sort of way and John smiled he loved it when he did that.  
“ Will you stop staring at me Jay.” Frank protested “ It makes me self conscious.”  
“ Sorry.” He apologised quickly looking away this was all new to the both of them so there was no way it was going to run smoothly.  
“ Are we gonna kiss?” Frank asked looking at the floor. The way he asked so shyly, so sweetly. It make John shiver. He looked at how tense Frank was, sat so stiffly on the sofa.  
“ Are you sure about this?” he asked.  
“ No of course I’m not sure but I want to try it.”  
“ Alright well loosen up..just imagine we are on the pitch, you just scored a goal.” Frank nodded and relaxed a little.  
“ how is this so easy for you?”  
“ because I’ve been wanting this for a while.” He’d rather say a while then admit how long it actually was.  
“ really? How long?” he should have known that Frank would ask.  
“ 6 months maybe.” He admitted. He wanted to be truthfully, After all the months of lies it felt nice to get it out there.  
“ well that explains a lot, why didn’t you just tell me?” he made it sound so easy, like if he had just told him at the beginning they would have lived some sort of happy ever after.  
“ Its not something I could just tell you over lunch. Oh by the way Frank I know we’ve been friends for almost 12 years but I recently fell in love with you and I really think we should fuck.” The was an awkward silence for a moment and John was sure he had wrecked everything but then Frank did something unexpected for the both of them. He leaned forward into John and held his lips so close to his mouth that John could feel his warm breathe against his skin and then quickly before he could back out he closed in on him and their lips touched ever so gently. John couldn’t help but move his lips against Franks he tried to hold back but Franks fingertips were on the back of his neck and he was pulling his face closer like he wanted more. That was confirmed when he parted his lips slightly letting John in even further. Franks lips were softer but John s didn’t stay dry for long not when Franks tongue came into play. He smiled into Franks mouth as they sank deeper into each other and it didn’t feel wrong, not at all. It was the opposite, it was perfect and they were both smiling as their tongues fort for control. Then Frank sucked the end of John s tongue and he let him have it because it felt so good and Frank could have whatever he wanted as long as he didn’t pull away, as long as he kept making those little noises of encouragement that melted John s heart.  
They kept kissing as they lost their balance and tipped over onto the sofa, right on the edge so they eventually fell causing John ’s head to collide with the coffee table.  
“ Fuck!” he exclaimed, lips still against Franks cheek.  
“ You okay?” Frank asked, breathless.  
“ yeah I just..stings like a bitch.” Frank was still on top on him, their legs tangled together.  
“ I’ll get you an ice pack.” he offered before untangling himself and making his way to the kitchen. John took the time to get up and straighten the cushion, take a swing of his beer and flick through the channels. By the time Frank was back he had settled on an episode of homeland.  
“ I like this show.” Frank commented as he walked back into the room.  
“ I know you do.” John smiled as he was handed the ice pack, groaning as it made contact with the egg sized bump on his head. Frank blushed and John knew exactly what he was thinking.  
“ I don’t sound like that when I cum.” He said matter of factly, Frank shone an even brighter shade of red as he slid onto the sofa. John slung his unoccupied arm around Franks shoulder and pulled him close, feeling him relax.  
“ Maybe I’ll get to find out soon.” He mused. John smirked at his sudden forwardness.  
“ One step at a time Frankie, One step at a time.”


	3. “ I’m not gay I like women.”

Frank fell asleep on the sofa that night and John left him there as nice as the thought of sharing a bed with him was he knew Toni would be back early and he couldn’t chance her walking in on anything. He did sit and watch Frank sleep for a while taking in the sound of his breathing softly, the way he would sigh in his sleep every now and then. John covered him with a blanket and then sat on the edge of the sofa, stroking his hand through Franks hair, it was soft and fluffy.  
Frank moved in his sleep but he didn’t wake, he just rolled over and sighed again. He wasn’t good for him sleeping on the sofa. They had a spare room but that would mean waking Frank up and getting him to move. John didn’t like the sound of that, after all Frank looked so peaceful and he was scared that If he woke up he would start asking questions that John couldn’t answer like what was going to happen next? He’d already cheated on Toni really, the heated kiss on the sofa. In his head he knew he needed to end it, they hadn’t had sex in months and he didn’t see her that way anymore. He still cared about her a great deal she was the mother of his kids and he would never hurt her but all his affection was directed towards Frank now.  
How was he supposed to tell her?  
More importantly how was he supposed to tell her without her getting hurt. It wasn’t his fault that he had fallen so hard for Frank, yes kissing him that night might have been a mistake. To do so when he was still married to Toni wasn’t exactly faithful but he didn’t deserve to lose his kids for that. He couldn’t lose Summer and Georgie that was one thing he was sure of. This was something he had to deal with very carefully. It was obvious that he had to tell her sooner rather than later. But how? How could he tell her that he had fallen in love with Frank. It had taken him weeks to admit it to himself, months to tell Frank and telling other people that was an even bigger step.  
He went to bed that night with the whole world on his shoulders knowing that soon everything was going to change  
**********************************************************************************  
Have you told her yet?  
He read Franks text as he sat in the kitchen opposite Toni, he’d told her that they needed to talk and that was about as far as he had managed to go. Frank was just as scared about him revealing everything. He was scared that she’d tell the whole world and he’d have to explain to everyone that he was bi or gay or whatever he was. He tried to convince John that it would be fine to keep it between them for a while. He said they should try and work it out between themselves before they started telling other people and he had a point. Neither of them had wrapped their head around their relationship yet. It was the same as usual really apart from the added affection and intimacy. Obviously they couldn’t do anything unless they were alone but even when they were surrounded by people Frank would run his little finger against John ribs just to let him know he was there. They hadn’t progressed from kissing yet. John still wasn’t used to the fact that Frank actually wanted him. So when he pulled in for a kiss it was like magic every time. He knew when Frank wanted a kiss because he would go silent, edge closer until his body was practically draped around John s then he would nudge his chin up softly and John would let him in.  
“ Well come on then tell me?” Toni asked harshly snapping John out of his fantasy. “ what is it? Drugs? Drink? Gambling? A hooker?” she was getting impatient and he didn’t blame her they had been sat at the table for a good ten minutes whilst John fiddled with his thumbs and rearranged the words in his head. Did it really matter how he phrased it, no matter what he said it meant the same.  
“ No of course not its none of those.” He insisted, part of him which it was. It would be so much easier if he could just tell her that he had sex with a hooker, not kissed his best friend.  
“ Well what then?!” he took his time, fiddled with his ring not daring to look her in the eye.  
“ I kissed someone else.” He finally admitted. The shock on her face was there but he could tell that she had set herself up for something worse.  
“ Okay so you made a mistake were you drunk?” she was trying to rationalise things and he didn’t blame her but that just made things more complicated because what he felt for Frank that couldn’t be rationalised.  
“ Sort of I guess, 4 beers..I was tipsy.” He stuck to the truth the best he could.  
“ So why are you telling me why aren’t you hiding this like most guys would? I mean it was a kiss John its not like you fucked her.”  
“ him.” He corrected and there it was one simple word changed everything. This time the look on her face was one of total shock, she opened her mouth but no words came out, four times she tried to say something,  
“ Is this a joke because if it is it’s a fucking sick one?” she accused.  
“ Its not a joke Ton.” He told her as she stood and turned her back on him.  
“ So you drunkenly kissed a man, that’s not serious right?” again with the denial.  
“ I fantasized about kissing him for months before I did it, it wasn’t some kind of drunken mistake that I can just forget about I love him.” She snapped back round to look at him anger in her eyes.  
“So you’re gay that’s what you’re telling me.” She still didn’t believe him, thought he was playing some really twisted trick on her.  
“ I’m not gay I like women.” He stated “ but I like men too, well not all men just him. I think.” Frank was right it would be so much easier if he actually figured out how he felt before he did this. But he didn’t want to lie, he’d done too much lying in the last few months and the one thing he never wanted to be was a liar.  
“ who?” she insisted, like knowing his identity would make this situation any better.  
“ Does it matter? I wanted to tell you before we did anything, wanted to explain.”  
“ You think it makes it better just because you told me before you fucked him?!” she screamed if the house wasn’t empty and their house far away from anyone else he would have panicked.  
“ I know this isn’t easy I never asked for it to happen but I couldn’t keep on pretending.”  
“ You know what I think this would have been easier if you did bang a hooker. I don’t…I don’t understand what you’re telling me John ..You’re leaving me for another man is that it.” The anger in her eyes was turning to upset as she finally realised it was true.  
“ Don’t say it like that, I’m not leaving you I’ll always be here for you and the kids okay, always.”  
“ The kids, did you think about them when you were snogging this guy, you can’t even pretend to be happy for them?” she was pleading now, anything to get him to stay, to get him to take back what he had just said.  
“ I would never expect them to pretend to be happy for me, they shouldn’t think they have to put on false happiness to please other people. I know you are angry and that’s understandable-“  
“ This isn’t about me what about Summer and Georgie? You said you would always put their happiness before yours.”  
“ This doesn’t haven’t to affect them Toni. It only does if you make it.”  
“ You think their dad leaving and then telling them he’s in love with a man isn’t go to affect them.” That was the good thing about it being Frank, the kids knew Frank and they love him. They had seen their dad and him close before there was no reason for them to think any differently.  
“ We bought our kids up to know that gay isn’t wrong Toni, because it’s not and as I said I won’t leave them, I’ll see them as much as I can that’s if you’ll let me. I know you want me to feel pain and that’s fine do whatever you want to me but don’t take it out on the kids.”  
“ Just get out.” She spat not giving him an answer.  
**********************************************************************************  
If Frank was at all surprised by the fact that John ended up on his doorstep he didn’t show it.  
“ You didn’t even text me back.” he accused as they went through to the kitchen and he put the kettle on.  
“I was a bit preoccupied with my wife yelling at me.” He explained slumping himself on one of the stools. “I kept you out of it by the way, didn’t mention any names.”  
“ you didn’t have to do that you know, I’ll stand by you, help you get through all the shit she throws your way.. I’m not ashamed of this, of us, I just know what the consequences will be if this hits the media.” John nodded. He understood, he knew too what it would do to their careers.  
“ Do you think she’ll let me see the kids?” he asked. He missed them already and they wouldn’t even be home from school yet.  
“ Honestly, yes. You know Toni she would never do anything that would hurt Georgie and Summer. She probably just needs time to wrap her head around all this.” He explained putting the teas down in front of John and then standing opposite him.  
“ Don’t we all.” He mumbled.  
“ Do you wish that it never happened?” Frank asked the pain in his voice killing John , he couldn’t bear to hear the sadness. He reached across the counter and grabbed Franks hand rolling his thumb across his knuckle.  
“ Of course I don’t.” Frank smiled weakly. “ Do you think I shouldn’t have told her?”he asked in return.  
“I know why you did it, it’s going to come out eventually. I mean we can’t hide forever and you hid it and it came out in a years time, things would be a lot worse. Plus you know I’d have to put up with the thought of you with her and you’d have to pretend to play happy families and trust me I know how hard that is. I mean I wish we’d talked about it a bit first but you did the right thing in telling her.”  
“ we did talk about it.” They detached their hands now to sip from the mugs of tea.  
“ briefly, we didn’t talk about the what we were planning to do after. Are you going to stay with me?” Frank asked.  
“ Can I?” He was right they hadn’t thought about what they were going to do now. He thought everything would just fall in to place like it usual did.  
“ Of course I kind of meant are you going to sleep in my bed or do you want the spare room because if so I’ll need to take some junk out of there, move some boxes..maybe put em in the-” he trailed off.  
“ Frank.” John spoke softly placing down his cup and taking his hand again to calm him down.  
“If you want me to sleep in your bed I will but if you don’t the spare room is good too.” Frank nodded and bit his lip.“ You don’t have to make a decision now.” He added.  
“ but I already decided, I kind of like the boxes where they are.” The grin on Franks face was enough to make John forget about all the shit.  
He’d walk through 20 billion piles of shit if he knew Frank was at the end of it.


	4. “ I’m just gonna take your jeans off.”

The first time they shared a bed was pretty funny because Frank was worrying about the fact that his breathe still smelled of garlic and he hadn’t trimmed his chest hair.   
“I’m not a girl, lamps. I don’t give a shit.” He told him as he started to strip down to his boxers. He froze as Frank turned to look at him. This time it was his turn to be shy. He knew Franks body quite well, he knew he loved it but what would Frank think of his. They’d seen each other naked but Frank had never looked at him in a sexual way  
What if he saw something he didn’t like?  
He remained with his hands on his jeans as Frank looked at him questionably. He himself was already down to a pair of black boxers and the longer John remained clothed the more self-conscious Frank become.  
“ Whats wrong?” he asked. Not likely that way that John still hadn’t said anything. John gulped and looked Frank straight in the eye.   
“ You have a really nice body.” he told him, Frank blushed but took the compliment.   
“ Thanks, so do you.” He replied.   
“ do I?” John asked back.  
“ Yes.” He emphasised this by stroking one of John s biceps. When Franks hands slid down to the front of his jeans, he gasped.   
“ I’m just gonna take your jeans off.” He told him, hands slipping slightly over the button as he pulled the material down his hand collided with John s cock. It was the smallest amount of contact but still he tensed up. Frank smiled and did it again this time on purpose. It wasn’t like he could help it, John was rather well endowed to put it politely and with nothing but boxers on it didn’t leave much to the imagination. “ you could help you know.” Frank told him and as much as John enjoyed the feel of Franks hands on him he obeyed, wiggling his hips until the jeans fell onto the floor. Then he stepped out of them and walked up to the bedside table. He quickly cheeked his phone but there was nothing. He decided to give Toni tell tomorrow to calm down and then call her see if he could get through to her. If she didn’t answer he’d go round there, to her mums, her friends. He’d find the kids no matter what, he needed to see them. He could have Toni telling them stories, lies. He needed them to know that he loved them, that he would be there no matter what. He shook his head as he slammed the phone back down but them forced himself not to think about it. There was nothing he could do now to get the kids out of bed in the middle of the night was reckless. He would think about it in the morning when something could be done.  
As he turned towards the bed he eyed it suspiciously.   
“ Did you fluff the pillows up?” he asked not because he was bothered by their state but because he wanted to know if Frank had made an effort for him. That thought brought on the familiar butterflies and all his negative thoughts were soon gone.  
“ They are comfier like that.” This is why people always see you as the women in the relationship he thought to himself. He didn’t say so it aloud because he knew Frank would take offence and John didn’t mean it like that. He didn’t mean that he wasn’t masculine. I mean you only had to look at his bulging thighs to know he was all man but he had these certain feminine traits, the way he always played with his hair to get it just right before a photo shoot, how he would sit like a lady no matter where they were and those bloody yoga sessions that he insisted on dragging John along to.   
As John went to climb into the bed he hesitated.  
“ You have washed these since you and Christine you know?” he asked rather reluctantly.  
“ It’s been 5 weeks!” Frank exclaimed. John shrugged his shoulder. “ you think I’m that dirty that I wash my sheets what once every month, who does that?” he wrinkled his nose at the thought as they both climbed into the bed.  
“ Normal people.” John teased   
“ oii” Frank protested. “ these are new actually, so don’t say I never think of you.”  
“ well as long as they haven’t got her juices on its all good.” John cringed at his own words.  
“ seriously? He asked in disgust.  
“ too far?”  
“ Ya think.” Frank replied sarcastically.   
“ I’m sorry.” John said softly against Franks lips to shut him up and then when he was sure he wasn’t going to talk again he moved down to his neck, catching the sensitive skin between his teeth before licking and sucking it better. Frank groaned so John sucked harder.  
“ I’m really really sorry.” He muttered again as he this time started littering kisses on his chest. Frank started to wriggle as John moved lower. One minute he was sliding his tongue into Franks belly button and the next minute he had a semi erect cock in his face.   
“ Did you want something Mr Lampard?” John teased, Frank looked at him impatiently.  
“ stop fucking teasing me.” He insisted  
“ why should I when you talk to me with that tone?” he challenged climbing his way back up Franks body much to his disappointment. He pulled he into a kiss so that he couldn’t answer but was soon pushed away.   
“ I haven’t forgiven you yet.” He stated. “ you’ve gotta make it up to me.” His cock twitched at Franks words and so he shifted rubbing their hips together in the process. They were both hard now so when their erections crashed together making them both moaned in appreciation, John decided that more stimulation was needed so he circled his hips again getting as much pleasure from the sweet sound coming from Franks lips as he did the friction.   
“ Jay please.” Frank begged too turned on to play games anymore. So John pulled Franks boxers from underneath him in one swift moment as Frank bucked his hips. He smirked at the evidence of pre-cum on his cock. He was smaller than John but not by much to be fair. He wrapped his hand around Franks shaft and pumped slowly up and down the liquid making it easier for his hand to slide freely without much effort. This was the easy bit, it was only when Frank started thrusting into his hand and pleading for John s mouth that he realised he’d never sucked a man off before. He didn’t wanna ruin the moment by asking Frank when he last had a piss but he was tempted.   
John was half on his knees in-between Franks legs till he felt hand on him pulling him round and he didn’t resist even helped remove his own pants. Soon his bum was next to Franks head, if he moved any further they would be 69ing. At first he thought that was what he wanted and then he realised that the hands that were just on his hips were now stroking his cock. He groaned without even realising and then got back to work at least if he took Franks cock in his mouth it would silence the pathetic sounds he was making. The first time he didn’t deep throat he was trying to get used to the feeling, the taste. It was like what he imagined sweat to taste like, no piss. Thank god. He should remember to comment on how clean Franks cock was later. He lost that train of thought as Franks cock hit the back on his throat, he tried so hard to control his gag reflex not doing too badly, didn’t choke at least. The second time was easier and the he got into a rhythm, up, down, up, down until he had to stop for a breather or to gasp as Frank griped a little tighter. It got messier as they both grew close to climax, Franks hand began to slip as he lost concentration and John sometimes had to pause for seconds whilst the pulses crashed through his thighs, the ache so bad that he could barely breathe. He used that time to lap at Frank’s balls, making him whimper. As it became harder to concentrate Frank helped by thrusting his hips up, making sure the tip of his cock hit the back of his throat every time until he started to slow and his hand paused in the stroking of John ’s shaft.   
“ mmm gonna cum.” He mumbled just as John was pumping his hand up and down giving his throat a rest. To give him credit he still managed to catch most of it in his mouth some went in his eye but as Frank came he made the most delicious noise and so John slipped over the edge too. He spilled himself into Franks hand and swallowed at the same time still alert enough to show his disgust at the taste. He collapsed over Franks stomach as they came too, breathing heavily and letting the little aftershocks flow through him along with the pleasurable ache in his muscles. For the time being neither of them cared that they looked like they had just been for a swim in a sperm bank or that they had wrecked Franks new sheets. John didn’t even care that his left eye was half stuck shut with his best mates jizz. None of that mattered, nothing mattered.


	5. “ I’m gonna miss you.”

John woke to a buzzing sound in the distance. At first he ignored it completely and just snuggled further into the duvet but then he felt Franks arms around him loosen and he made a groan in protest.   
“ Someone’s at the door.” Frank told him. “ it sounds like Toni.” John opened his eyes and listened for the sound.   
“ John I know you’re in there.” She yelled. Yep definitely Toni. He pulled his hand up to his face and then remembered, his eye had unstuck now but the dry cum remained plastered round his cheek and eyelashes. Neither of them had moved the night before. They had just fallen asleep in a heap, lights still on and everything. Toni was still yelling downstairs and by the look of the clock they had training in an hour, John just wanted to bury his head in the pillow and go back to sleep. He still pulled Frank back when he once again tried to get out of the bed.   
“ Someone’s gotta answer the door before she fucking breaks it down and you are in serious need of a shower.” John still insisted on pulling Frank back for one last kiss and then he let him go.   
“ Its gonna be okay.” Frank reassured him as he chucked his pants and jeans on. John saw just enough to notice the crusted cum on his thigh before he pulled them up.   
“ you need a shower too.” John told him.  
“ I know, but not as bad as you.” Toni was still hammering on the door down stairs. Frank disappeared into the bathroom and washed him hands, then checked his appearance. Before returning .“ get in the shower, she’ll want you down in a minute.” He told John . He did as he was told throwing the sheets back and padding to the unsuite. He didn’t miss how Frank lingered for a few seconds so he could watched.   
Once downstairs Frank geared himself up for what was on the other side of the door. Toni would of realised now that he was John’s mystery lover and that meant yelling, lots of it. Still he opened the door as quick as he could, the longer she was out there the angrier she would get. As soon as the door was open she walked in without invitation, slamming the it behind her.  
“ What were you doing banging each other?” Frank flinched at her accusation.   
“ I was asleep.” He answered truthfully. That seemed to give her all she needed, he hadn’t questioned what she talking about so he must be guilty.   
“ So its true, you two have been going round behind my back. I always knew there was something weird going on. You were close too close. I should have fucking known but funnily enough it didn’t occur to me that every time he was round here he was probably sucking your cock. Is that why you dumped Christine, John wanted you all to himself.”  
“ Christine broke it off with me, you know that and nothing has been going on behind your back.”   
“ But somethings going on now isn’t it?” They were slowly walking backwards towards the kitchen.   
“ Its complicated.”   
“ complicated, whats complicated? Have you fucked him.”  
“ No, Toni please.” He pleaded   
“ Are you ashamed?” she sounded shocked at the thought he might be, because John certainly wasn’t, he’d declared his love for Frank in her kitchen without any regrets at all.  
“ I’m not ashamed of anything, I just don’t like these questions. I don’t like being asked about my sex life, I never have.” That was true Toni had to admit, Frank grew shy just at the mention of sex.  
“ Okay then answer me this do you love him?”  
“ Of course.” This time he answered in a heart beat which was strange because he hadn’t even said those words to John yet, neither of them had said I love you but they knew the love was there. She didn’t know what to say after that so she resorted to pacing the kitchen . It was a mess from last night, the dishes piled up in the sink and left over pasta on the counter. Frank was speechless too, it couldn’t think of a single word that would make this any better.   
“ It looks like a normal kitchen.” Toni muttered. The statement confused Frank. Why shouldn’t it.   
“ What did you expect to find whips and chains?” It wasn’t him that spoke it was John . He was dressed now, still had wet hair but at least he was clothed. He’d burrowed some of Franks training gear. It was a little big but it did the job. He also chucked Frank a shirt. He smiled gratefully and pulled it on. He’d known Frank would feel uncomfortable being the only half-naked one there. John didn’t wait for an answer from Toni.   
“ did you just come to have a go at Frank or was there actually something you wanted?” he asked.  
“ I wanted to see what you left me for.” She told him.   
“ when did you figure out it was Frank?”  
“ Pretty much as soon as you left, who else would it fucking be. I remembered that time he kissed you on the bus.”   
“ I kissed him actually, only on the neck.” He explained. He remembered that day well when he leant in John couldn’t help but press his lips to Franks warm skin. He should of known then that wasn’t the right feelings to have for a friends but it was in amongst the celebrations.   
“ Same difference.” Frank was eying up the kitchen like he wanted to clean it just to get him out of the firing line. John knew he felt uncomfortable, this wasn’t his argument to have. He drew close to Frank who watched him suspiciously probably thinking he was going for a kiss or something. But he wasn’t he was aiming for his ear. Once close enough he whispered to him.  
“ go get in the shower, I’ll deal with this.” Frank nodded and then turned on his heels and walked out the kitchen. He was confident that he had no more to say so why be there.   
“ You’ve got him trained well.”   
“ Not really we have to leave for training in 40 minutes, he needs to get ready I just told him I’d be fine.”  
“ I wouldn’t be so sure about that, theres plenty of knives in this kitchen.” He knew she was joking no matter how serious her tone was.   
“ How are the kids?” He asked ignoring her.   
“They are fine. I just told them you are staying at Franks for a bit.”   
“Did you tell them why?”  
“No what was I supposed to say? ‘daddy’s left us because he now prefers cock to tits.’  
“ Not everything has to be so sordid. I fell in love with Frank because he’s Frank, doesn’t matter whether he has tits, a cock or both. I fell for his personality not his gender.”  
“ Stop trying to make this all poetic.” She spat. “ If that was the truth you would have went off with him a long time ago there must have been something that made you wanna suddenly jump his bones, what was it ahh John ?” He thought back to Frank laid on the same bed they’d been in last night, wanking. Yes that was what made him see things in a different light but he had always loved Frank. He just didn’t realise he was sexually attracted to him too.   
“ That doesn’t matter, I want you to tell me when I get to see my kids.” All the fire in her suddenly seem to fade.  
“You can see them whenever you like, I’m not like you . I put them first.   
“ You don’t think I put them first?!” he was angry now, at her sudden accusation. “ This isn’t even about Frank, not really. I’ve been unhappy for fucking ages but I played happy families with you because I thought that was best for them and then I realised that they would want me to be happy. You think seeing me feel like shit every single day is best for them?!”  
“ I’m sorry!!” she yelled back, tears dropping down her cheeks now. “ I didn’t realise that being married to me was such torture.” He felt guilty as the tears poured down her cheeks. He took her in his arms as she broke down in sobs.   
“ I didn’t mean it like that you know I care for you a lot, I never want to see you hurt or sad like this. Just because we are separating doesn’t mean we have to hate each other. It’ll take time for everyone to come to terms with what’s happening with me and Frank. I mean we are still trying to wrap our heads around these feelings ourselves. Just please understand that I didn’t do this to hurt you or the kids. I did it because if I continued to bottle this up it would of ripped our family apart.” For the first time since they’d sat down in the kitchen she seemed to actually take in his words and she didn’t push him away. She held on so tight.   
“ I’m gonna miss you.” She whispered into his chest.   
“ you don’t have to miss me, I’ll be there whenever you need me..just call.” She pulled away and nodded, wiping her tears as she looked into his eyes.  
“ I still need time…to think.” She told him.  
“ That’s okay.” He agreed.  
“ but you can pick the kids up from school today if you like…could you..could you explain to them about you and Frank because..I don’t think I can manage it without…” She gestured to the tears that were still falling and he understood.   
“ Of course.” She nodded again and then wiped some more tears away. He followed her as she walked to the door. Then she turned round and gave him one last hug.  
“ Bye John .” She whispered, before opening the door and quickly closing it behind her. He leant against the back of the door, let his legs give out and just fell to the floor. He sat there with his back to the door until Frank appeared at the top of the stairs and came to rescue him. He picked him up and made him tea. Then John watched as Frank cleaned the kitchen, he helped a little bit. It was nice to feel at home. He’d just left a massive chapter of his life behind but he had high hopes for this new beginning.  
**********************************************************************************  
After training John had a medical but Frank stayed behind and waited for him saying he felt like doing more sprints anyway. John had a feeling he was lying, he was just worried about him ever since he had picked him up off the floor after Toni left. He didn’t ask him if he was okay because he knew him well enough to know that he’d lie anyway. He was okay really it’d just been a very emotional day and endings were always hard. He’d get to see summer and Georgie and he had half made it up with Toni that was the important thing.   
If anything it was probably his jealousy that was effecting him the most. He was jealous over two things 1) The way David Luiz had held on to Frank arse for rather too long after a tackle and 2) The way Elen had reacted to the news that Frank and John were a thing. Basically she took it with a pinch of salt and said it was about time. The phone call had been over in 2 minutes, Frank had managed to tell her on the way to training and that was it over and done with.  
How was it fair that it was over for him so quick?  
John had to deal with the ordeal of Toni sobbing in his arms and Frank just got a pat on the back. He shouldn’t me in a mood with Frank for something that was out of his control but he was. He refused to speak to him on the way back. They just sat in the car in silence until Frank had enough.  
“ This is stupid just tell me what’s wrong? What have I done?” John huffed and crossed his arms refusing to talk.   
“ So you were talking to me this morning until the phone call to Elen so I’m guessing its that, what do you not like me saying we’re together would you like me to phrase it differently?”   
“ You know it’s not that?”  
“ Well then what is it John ?”  
“ Don’t call me John you only call me that when you’re annoyed with me.” That wasn’t true he also called him that when they were in front of other people or in interviews but they were completely alone now.  
“ okay, jay just give me something please I can’t sit in silence for the rest of the afternoon. Its driving me crazy.   
“ She took it so well.” He muttered.  
“ what?”   
“ Elen, she took the news so well, not like Toni.” Frank sighed.   
“ Me and Elen haven’t been together for 5 years. I got my fair share of sobbing and screaming then. Do you know how many times she called me a heartless bastard in the papers, making up shit left right and centre? Toni isn’t upset because you are with a man, she’s upset because you aren’t with her anymore. She lashed out at you for being with me because she doesn’t want to admit she can’t hate you, not even if she tried. ”  
“ You’re right.” John admitted, how is it that Frank always knew exactly what to say to make him feel better.   
“ good, you okay now. No more silent treatment.”  
“ What about you and Luiz?” he knew he was being petty but he needed to hear that Frank felt nothing towards his team mate.   
“ what do you mean?”  
“ He touched you.” Frank looked at him confused like he didn’t quite get the implication.   
“ A lot of people touched me today, we were playing football. It’s what happens.”   
“ he had his hand on your arse.” John insisted and Frank suddenly realised what he meant. He let out a laugh as it came to him.  
“ You are actually jealous? Of David Luiz?”   
“ Maybe.” John muttered.   
“ awwh that’s sweet.”  
“ shut up.”  
“ no it really is just the cutest.” He teased even more.  
“ I swear to god Frank shut the fuck up before before I pound you right here.” John told him trying to come across as angry but actually just sounding seductive.   
“ I’d like to see you try.” Frank whispered.


	6. “ How the fuck did you learn to give head like that?”

They decided to tell the kids together since John had Summer and Georgie that night and Frank had Isla and Luna. It wasn’t as hard as they thought it would be turns out kids are very accepting. They were all sat on the sofa staring up at Frank and John like they were about to perform a play. John started first because he had the added pressure of telling the kids that him and Toni weren’t together anymore.  
“ You know me and mummy we care about each other lots and lots but things weren’t working out so good anymore so daddy has come to live with Frank. Do you understand. Georgie shook his head but Summer nodded. Then Luna jumped off end of the sofa and plonked herself beside Georgie.  
“ Its like Isla had a teddy called Mr Tinkles but last year she decided she didn’t like him anymore so she gave him to me, your mummy didn’t like your daddy anymore so she gave him to my daddy to look after.” She was nearly there bless her.  
“ except its not that mummy didn’t want me, she did but Frank he wants me more so mummy was kind and she let me come and stay with Frank instead.” Georgie nodded this time and John sighed in relief.  
“ Can I come and live with Frank too? I like him too.” Summer asked. Frank gave her a sweet smile.  
“ No honey you have to stay at home with Mummy otherwise she’ll get lonely but you can come and stay whenever you like, would you like to come and play with Isla and Luna?” he asked the question to both Georgie and Summer and luckily they were both very enthusiastic. Right now was for the difficult part. He looked at Frank for some kind of help. He started with his own kids first.  
“ You don’t mind uncle Jay coming to live with daddy do you?” he asked them.  
“ Will he play tea parties with us like Christine did?” Isla asked.  
“ I’m sure if you asked him very very nicely he will. Do you understand why he’s coming to live here?”  
“ because Georgie and Summers mummy doesn’t love him anymore.” Isla answered.  
“ She does love him but I love him too.” It scared him to say those words in front of John but it was the easiest way to explain and John didn’t seem fazed by it. He was too busy looking at the reaction of the 4 children in front of him.  
“So uncle jay is your boyfriend?” Luna asked.  
“ Like Louis at school has two daddy’s?” Georgie asked John .  
“ Yes.” Frank and John answered at the same time, ready for the confusion and millions of questions but there weren’t any.  
“ Okay.” Summer answered “ can we go play now?” Frank and John nodded and then watched in amazement as they left the room happily without another word.  
“ How was that so easy?” John asked.  
“ They’re great kids.” Frank smiled.  
**********************************************************************************  
Later on when the kids were in bed, all camped out on Isla and Luna’s bedroom floor because they were mega excited about having a sleep over, John was browsing on the laptop with a glass of wine. Frank had gone to get himself another glass and whilst he was gone John quickly navigated himself onto the boots website and was soon staring at a page full of lube and condoms. He felt guilty for assuming but after the night before he was sure that him and Frank would have sex soon and they needed to be ready.  
Somehow he managed to put shit loads of stuff in the checkout and then just as he was about to cancel it Frank walked in the room and so he slammed the laptop shut, trying to look as innocent as possible.  
“ What were you doing looking at porn? Reading stories about us again?”  
“ No.” John insisted. “ I was buying you a present.” Technically it wasn’t a lie.  
“ let me see then.” Frank insisted.  
“ no it’s a surprise.” He told him as he opened the laptop and started pressing as many buttons as he could to get rid of the screen. Then the order confirmed screen came up and his eyes widened but he still didn’t say anything to Frank. He just put the laptop down and told himself to cancel it later.  
“ Wanna play fifa?” Frank asked. Its what they usually did when John was round Franks, they’d get a take away and play fifa long into the night. John kicking Franks arse most of the time. They’d already had dinner. John had ordered pizza special for the kids. They didn’t seem bothered at all by the current affairs in fact they were happier than ever to be staying round Franks.  
“ what so I can thrash you?” John teased.  
“ I might have gotten better.” Frank suggested  
“ You say that every time!” he did say that every time but to be far to him he was improving. John could just imagine him sitting in on his days off on fifa all day, till his thumbs were sore trying to get better.  
“ Okay then lets make it interesting.” Frank bargained. John raised his eyes in interest. “who ever wins get sucked off by the loser.  
“ That’s not even fair you still owe me one from last night.”  
“ are you that confident you’re gonna lose.” Frank questioned.  
“ fine you’re on.”  
*********************************************************************************  
Frank lost, it was close and they were both getting some good goals in. Then it stayed equal until John slid one in and Frank couldn’t come back from that. John laughed as Frank yelled insults at the screen as if it was the commentators fault.  
“ don’t look so worried.” John told him as he turned the console off. “ I’ll go gentle on you I promise.” Despite the bet there was no way that John would make Frank do anything he didn’t want to. “ I’ll go check on the kids okay.” He said softly, squeezing Franks shoulder reassuringly before he left.  
They were all deep in sleep. Isla and Summer had crawled into Islas bed, snuggled up together which made John smile. Georgie and Luna were still on opposite sides of the floor snuggled up in sleeping bags, looking equally peaceful. He stood by the door and watched them for a moment before deciding he should get back to Frank. He was in the bedroom, patting down the bed. He had changed the sheets again since the night before. He turned to look at John and gave him a weak smile. John recognised that face, it was the same nervous face that Frank held when he and his captain were getting ready for a big game. It was a face of nervousness and anticipation. Frank was scared and currently taking it out on the pillow.  
“ You’ve fluffed that one like a million times.” He told him. Frank didn’t answer he just drop the first pillow and picked up another one fluffing that one even more violently. “ look stop taking it out on the pillows, tell me what’s up?”  
“ I can’t.” Frank mumbled. “ It’s embarrassing.”  
“ You came in my eye last night, I’m pretty sure we are past embarrassing. Is this about the whole sucking cock thing if you don’t wanna do it that’s fine.”  
“ Its not that I don’t want to, I’m not scared to try..I’m scared you won’t like it, you were really good and what if I’m crap at that just like I’m crap at Fifa.” John hated it when Frank doubted himself. He did it all the time in training, one mistake and he would stay there all fucking night to make it right and then he would still hate himself for slipping up. He is so talented and beautiful and he just doesn’t see it.  
“ Frank I love you. I know it’s not even been a couple of weeks yet and that’s way too early to say it but even before I decided I fancied the fuck out of you. I loved you as a best mate and I don’t just love you, I love every little thing you do because that’s what makes you frank. You wouldn’t be lamps if you didn’t make that orgasmic noise when you take a penalty or if you didn’t drop your deodorant on the floor every bloody time when we’re getting changed after a match. I know those things embarrass you but I love them and no matter what happens between us in this bed it’ll always be good because its you. So what if something doesn’t go as planned, you know me, you can trust me. Fucking yell you don’t think I wasn’t scared yesterday. Everything is a first for both of us but we’ve just gotta trust each other to be supportive. All you have to do is look at me and I get butterflies so I have no doubt that whatever you do I’ll fucking love it , even if you bit it off you know I’d forgive you. “ Frank stared at him intently through the whole speech, dropping the pillow mindlessly and slipping onto the bed.  
“ I’m not gonna bite it off.” Frank promised, at least sure of one thing.  
“ That’s good to know.” John smiled and then watched as Frank walked to the door and locked it. He wanted to hug him first, kiss him and reassure him so I did. He wrestled him to the bed and at first Frank laughed because they were just pissing about, john had his fingers in-between Franks ribs tickling him. But then he stopped pinned Frank to the bed and just looked at him. His eyes were so green, intense.  
Your eyes are the window to the soul don’t they say?  
Before he could think any more about that frank leant up and captured his lips. He tasted like wine and he was firmer than usual, more sure of himself. His hands were running through Johns hair pulling on it, he gasped and bucked his hips in response making Frank smile, the smug bastard. He wanted to get his own back but before he could Frank rolled them over and gained control. He started pulling at Johns shirt, getting frustrated when it didn’t come off straight away. After one button he gave up and just ripped it off. He could hear the buttons bouncing across the room but Frank didn’t even stop to look at what he’d done. He threw the fabric on the floors and then started nibbled at the skin around johns nipple.  
“ You are so fucking lucky that wasn’t my favourite shirt.” He mumbled, ending with a moan as Frank twirled his tongue round his nipple, sucking on it and then moving along to the next one. He knew Frank would be good, the things he could do with that tongue. He was making John skin tingle, practically making him pant in anticipation. His jeans were becoming uncomfortably tight. He shuffled thinking it would help which Frank noticed. Instead of helping he just rubbed his thigh against Johns erection making a groan escape the back of his throat.  
“ What do you want?” Frank asked in an amused voice like he didn’t already know.  
“ you know what I want.” He insisted raising his hips so they just made contact with Franks. He was hard too, that made John feel a little less easy.  
“ I want you to tell me.” Frank said. It was this side of Frank that was Johns favourite, sure he was all shy about sex until you get him into the bedroom and give him a boner. Then he wants to know everything. He wants to hear John say every dirty work in the book.  
“Well I want you to take my jeans off for starters.” It wasn’t quite what he wanted to hear but Frank did it anyway, quickly undoing the buttons, then pulling as hard as he could whilst john held his bum up, it took a whilst to get the jeans over John’s growing bulge but they got there.  
“ Now what?” Frank asked, staying in-between Johns legs.  
“ Suck me off.” John requested. Frank lowered his head and started licking at johns hips, letting his tongue slid under the waist band of Johns boxers. John moaned and thrust his cock in Franks face, so he licked through the material, sucking hard enough so John was bound to feel it. Fucking crap at it my arse, if Frank kept going John would be gone before they could even get his boxers off. He told himself that he wasn’t gonna plead, no matter what happened he wasn’t gonna beg but desperate times called for desperate measures.  
“ Frank please, I need you.” Credit to him, he stopped as soon as he heard Johns words, well and truly he was just as tired with the teasing as John was. How was he so hard when John hadn’t even laid a finger on him. He had johns boxers off quick as anything but then he had to have one last lick at his hips before started.  
“ I love your hips.” Frank said aloud tracing the deep dips that led to his cock. John moaned in appreciation, that’s about all he could manage. He held Johns cock in his fist just stroking him for the time being. It was obvious that he wasn’t gonna fit it all in his mouth but that was okay because if he remembered rightly John hadn’t managed to fit Frank in fully, almost but not quite. He could still deep throat him, get as much of him in as he could. First he licked up the side of his shaft getting a feel for it, John shivered underneath him as he licked all the way done to his balls. The taste wasn’t too bad not much different from licking out a girl really. Once that was done he took a deep breath, more from nervous then the thought of actually preserving oxygen. Then he wrapped his mouth round Johns cock and pushed as far down as he could. He did manage to get the tip of Johns cock to touch his throat but he couldn’t stay there for long. He was too scared of puking or not breathing. To his relief John was making all the right noises so he continued this time only taking half in and moving up and down whilst his hand dealt with the rest. Johns skin was soft and Frank liked the feel of it against his tongue. Sometimes he just likes to twirl it around the tip of John’s cock until he hissed because it was too sensitive.  
He was actually really having fun as John started to shudder underneath him, an early sign that he going to come soon. He didn’t say anything though, he was too busy trying to remember how to breathe and he couldn’t let Frank stop now. Not when he was in the middle of the best blow job of his life. It was when Franks left hand moved to massage Johns balls that he long it. The warm sensation of Franks mouth became too much and he didn’t even have time to warn him before he filled his mouth with a massive load. Some of it went on the bed..again, some of it was in Franks hair and round his lips. John gasped for breathe and clutched his fists as he desperately tried to ride the orgasm. Then he just went stiff and laid there staring at the ceiling in complete amazement.  
“ did mine taste that rank?” Frank asked in disgust, running his cum covered hand through his hair making it even worse. John didn’t answer, he was still staring at the ceiling.  
“ You okay?” Frank asked climbing up the bed and stroking the side of johns flushed face. “ I didn’t hurt you did I?” John shock his head and took frank into a hug letting him snuggle up into his side.  
“ How the fuck did you learn to give head like that?” he asked once he was capable of talking again.  
“ I didn’t” Frank said sounding embarrassed. “ I kinda just went with it.” John had to laugh, how was it that anything new Frank tried he was instantly brilliant at it.  
“ gissa kiss.” John asked regretting it as he tastes himself in Franks mouth. “ we both taste like shit you know that. I think we needed to eat some pineapple of something.  
“ I’ll get some when I go shopping.” He told John looking at him like he was the most precise thing in the world.  
“ What?” John asked after a few moments of Franks scrutiny.  
“ I just love you that’s all.” He admitted.  
“ I love you too, now come on I gotta return the favour.” He winked.


	7. "why did you order vaginal moisturising gel?”

To be fair it wasn’t really johns fault that he forgot to cancel the obscene amount of stuff he’d ordered from Boots. They had a massive game against spurs that they desperately needed the 3 points from, he was trying to recover from a muscle strain and frank was being very distracting.   
It was hard to explain exactly how Frank was being distracting, the fact that he was there was enough. But when John walked into the café where the guys where all lazing about and Frank approached him with a pot full of pineapple that was the last straw.   
“ Why have you got your grumpy face on?” Frank asked. “ Want some pineapple?” He knew what he was doing he had that little smirk on his face and John would get him back for that later. The amount of lube they had now he could fuck him into the next century. Right now though he couldn’t take his eyes of the way he was wiggling the pot towards him, soon his eyes travelled down to the top of Franks jeans and he was pretty sure his mouth slipped open at some point.   
“ Jay.” Frank hissed under his breathe so the other boys couldn’t hear.   
“ What?” John asked snapping himself out of it.   
“ we don’t stare at each other in public that’s the rule.” He whispered. He was right that was the one rule in their relationship. That and no peeing before blow jobs. They were pretty sure none of the boys knew what was going on, I mean some of them thought it was funny that they now lived together and John hadn’t bought his own place after his split with Toni but they were willing to let that go.   
“ Okay okay, are we going home in a minute?” After Johns medical they were pretty much done for the day, thankfully he was fit to play in the big game which was just 2 days away.   
“ yeah can do.” Frank agreed.  
“ Why don’t we go out for Lunch?” John offered. It might seem like he was being kind but actually he just really didn’t want Frank to go home and find the boxes full of condoms and shit that he’d stuffed in the living room. It had arrived luckily enough whilst Frank was taking the girls to school. He’d begged for the delivery man to take it back but he just laughed at him and said if john didn’t take it he’d just leave it in the garden.   
“ we haven’t really got time I mean Toni is coming round with the rest of your stuff at 2 isn’t she?” Frank questioned him. Oh shit he forgot about that. They had moved most of Johns stuff into Franks already, he let Toni keep a lot of it seeing as he was still feeling guilty about the sad look she gave him every time they were around each other. He only bought the personal stuff to Franks and most of that was just chucked in the spare room. After a bit of a debate.  
“ What are we gonna do when our friends come over jay? You are supposed to be sleeping in that room and its filled with bloody cardboard boxes we can hardly tell them that you sleep in the study or the game room can we.”   
“ are you planning on taking them for a tour of the house or something? If they do say something I’ll just tell them I’m sleeping on the sofa till I’ve sorted the boxes out. Chill out we aren’t friends with fucking Sherlock holmes.   
God he hated to think how mad Frank would go if he knew how many sex toys were in the living room.   
**********************************************************************************  
Thankfully they got there before Toni did so that was one less thing to deal with but John was still shaking inside. He stopped Frank from getting out of the car as they sat just outside the house.   
“ You love me right?” he asked Frank. “ no matter what mistakes I might have made you still love me.” Frank looked at him confused for a minute then realise what was up.  
“ What did you do?” he accused. “ did you spill something on the carpet, what was it? Do I need to buy a new one?  
“ I fucked up.” He admitted and Frank was out the car and through the front door in second before John could stop him. He followed him reluctantly, waiting for a yell as he closed the door behind him but there wasn’t one. When he got the living room Frank was searching through the boxes a look of amusement on his face. 

“ why did you order vaginal moisturising gel?” he asked. 

“ I didn’t mean to I told you I don’t even know what half this stuff is.” Frank put the bottle down and pulled john onto the floor with him so they were both sat crossed legged in the middle of a load of boxes.

“ you thought I would be angry with you?” Frank asked as he looked at the sad look on Johns face. He nodded.

“ don’t be silly.” He told him softly. “ I’m sure there must be something in these boxes we can use. We better start getting it sorted before Toni turns up otherwise she’ll think we’ve set up a porn business or something.” John smiled weakly.   
********************************************************************************  
They did manage to sort it all out and ended with two massive glass bowls that had recently been filled with stones. One was now holding tons of different kinds of condoms and the other sachets of various flavoured lubes. They chucked them in Franks room, in the top shelf of his wardrobe, out of reach from the kinds and also out of there sight..they really didn’t need those kinds of questions. Then they put a few of the bottles under the bed and some in the un-suite bathroom cabinet. All that was left were the sex toys and neither of them wanted to touch them but strangely enough they didn’t really wanna throw them away either. So they chucked them in the back of the wardrobe under a stack of clothes, out of their sight but still there if the time came one day. 

Frank didn’t want to admit that staring at sex toys and lube for an hour had made him horny but he was pretty sure Frank got the picture when he was making the tea and Frank started nibbling at his ear. He pushed him away and then try to give him a serious look, as serious as you could be whilst waggling a teaspoon at someone. 

“ My wife will be here in any moment so if you could stop trying to bit eat my ear off.” John told him trying not to take any notice of Frank’s fake sad face he was pulling. John gave him a told you so look as the buzzer went but Frank just rolled his eyes. He stayed in the kitchen as John spoke to Toni. It wasn’t that he didn’t like her, they had been quite close but he just didn’t like seeing Toni and John together now. Maybe it was because he was jealous or guilty, either way he decided it was best to leave it to John. 

He sat on the stool up against the counter and stirred his tea round and round as he listened to the mumbled voices. It was times like this when it would hit him how much everything had changed. Him and John they were actually thinking about having sex and the scariest thing was is that he wanted it so bad. In those moment when they were naked and he was so close he could actually feel the muscles in his arse tense up. When this whole thing started he was sure he wasn’t gonna let John anywhere near his arse but now he was coming round to idea. He wouldn’t always take it; they’d take turns he imagined just like they did everything else.   
It was weird how quickly they had slotted into this life, how they were around each other 24/7, they worked together, they slept together and they eat together. They should have been bloody sick of each other but the thought of ever becoming bored when he was around John was impossible to Frank. Of course they couldn’t be as close as he wanted when they weren’t in the house, he couldn’t entwine his fingers with Johns like he wanted to or hold him in his arms but that was for the best. Maybe it was good that their must intimate moments were kept private, only for them to see. He had to think that way because they couldn’t be exposed, they were safe in this little cocoon they had built themselves. They wouldn’t be safe if the whole world knew, they were used to harsh word of course they were but things would get a lot harsher if it was revealed they were gay. 

What would his dad say?

He’d been trying to avoid that question for a long while. John wasn’t particularly close to his family so it wasn’t important for him to tell them but for Frank it felt wrong lying to his dad and sisters and Jamie and Louise. They had talked about telling their close friends and relatives but the more people that knew the greater the chance was of it coming out. Plus Frank wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell his dead. He wasn’t sure how he would react. If his mum were alive he would have told her, she’d be pleased he knew she would. She’d see the love in his eyes and the happiness. His dad would just see the dent it would put in his football career. He was right in a way, if this came out Frank would no longer be remembered as a legendary top goal scorer he would be seen as the Chelsea midfielder who had an affair with his captain. 

When he was with John he forgot about that and let all the worries drift away.

but they couldn’t lie to everyone forever could they?


	8. “ Can I take you to bed?”

That night John cooked, chicken wrapped in parma ham with some roasted new potatoes. He was the better cook out of the two of them anyway. They even sat at the kitchen and ate dinner properly. Then afterwards Frank grabbed some of John boxes from upstairs and they sat in front of the telly and sorted them out. He had quite a few books, that’s what a lot of the boxes were filled. There were books on football strategies and records of games that had long been forgotten.

John was still sorting when he noticed that Frank had gone quiet. He looked up intrigued to see that he had his back resting against the sofa, nose in a book. He was deep in concentration John could tell by the little line that appeared on his forehead and the way he was squinting his eyes to get a closer look at the works. 

“ Frank?” John asked wanting to know what it was that had him so interested. He couldn’t see the from the angle he was at. Frank didn’t answer, clearly hadn’t heard over the words he was reciting in his head. He decided not to pester him anymore, he didn’t want to ruin Frank’s enjoyment so he just carried on taking stuff out of the boxes and deciding where it would go. Every now and then he would look up expecting Frank to have moved but he didn’t move a muscle, not for a whole hour. John got bored rather quickly and decided enough was enough. He shifted closer to Frank not saying a world and then sudden snatched the book from his hands totally surprised when he saw the title.

My Winning Season 

“ Why are you reading my book?” he asked by his book he didn’t mean a book that belonged to him, he meant a book that he himself had written. Frank was too busy trying to get over the crash back into reality to answer. When he did it was just a simple shrug of the shoulders followed by the cutest little yawn John had ever seen. 

“ Frank?” he asked again, this time his mind set on a completely different question.

“ Hmmm?” Frank mumbled, quite possibly half asleep.

“ Can I take you to bed?” It had to be the most polite way John had asked for sex, ever. He wondered If Frank would understand the depth of his question but he was a fool to ever doubt him. They always understood each other, even when they were on opposite sides of the pitch with only their hands to communicate they managed it. 

He paused for a long time before answering. Then nodded confidently.

“ Of course.”

**********************************************************************************

They didn’t even manage to get up the stairs before John had Frank pinned up against the wall. He let him slid down onto the step and then straddled him. One of his fists was filled with Franks shirt the other was holding firmly onto his neck as they kissed. They were falling onto the next step, slowing making their way back down. 

“ owww I’m getting carpet burn,” Frank complained. John had to admit it was rather uncomfortable and he wasn’t even the one with the carpet burning his arse. So they gathered up whatever control they had left and managed to make it to the bedroom. There pretty much everything got trashed as a result of John throwing Frank’s body against it whilst they frantically undressed in the process . Finally they made it to the bed and Frank started with the drying humping. He had a thing for rubbing their naked thighs together whilst biting down on the pulse in Johns neck. 

“ Fuck.” John exclaimed, out of breathe before they had even started. “ slow down.” He pleaded. If they carried on at that rate he wouldn’t get to enjoy it. The rough and ready approach was good but this was the first time they were going the whole way and John wanted to make dawn sure that he made the most of it. Frank slowed in his movement and they just kissed slowly for a while, soft touches, gentle caressing. Then John broke free of the kiss for a second to reach under the bed and grab one of the bottles of lube, 2 in 1 stimulating intimate lube and massage gel with ylang –ylang. That would do. He popped the top after reading the table and eyed Frank.

“ Get your pants off then.” Frank gulped but then pulled his briefs down, for once he was still wearing the white pants from training, john liked that he liked that a lot. He’d debated telling him to keep them on but where was the fun in that. He squeezed some of the stuff onto his hand, felt it between his fingers and the sniffed it. 

“ wanna smell?” he asked Frank who was now laying on the bed actually playing with him own cock. He let him sniff his hand quick before he took it away in order to squeezed more out of the bottle and help Frank along with his wanking. Frank moaned in approvable of the new wet sensation. 

“ This should be going on my cock since I’m the one banging your arse but because I like you so much I’ll give you a little treat before the show.” 

“ Okay.” Frank whimpered. 

They were rather good at massages, both of them having watched how the masseur at Chelsea does it many times so when John slapped some more gel on and got to work on Frank thighs it was pleasurable in more ways than one. Everytime he pressed him thumb onto one of Franks muscles he would groan loudly, almost panting as John put pressure on any tense knots before releasing and stroking his finger across the skin softly. He swapped regularly between massaging his thighs and stroking his cock. Although Frank seem to like them both as much as eachother.

“ Turn over.” John whispered just loud enough for Frank to hear. He could tell Frank was pretty close to orgasm from how sensitive he’d become to his touch. He wanted to do this whilst he was turned on and relaxed. He slowly turned over on command. John was a bit worried himself, he didn’t wanna hurt him or put him off in any way. It was good that Frank trusted him as much as he did, he was on the bed on all fours waiting for John to fiddle with his arse. As scared as he was he was doing it. 

“ Tell me if it hurts too much okay.” He told Frank, not wanting him to suffer in silence. He hummed in response and then told John to get on with it. He was surprise how up for this Frank was but then that only helped to make him more comfortable with what he was about to do. He poured nearly the whole bottle of Lube onto his right hand and then managed to spread his arse checks with the left. As arses go Frank had a nice one, peachy and firm but not only that he was clean, even clean shaved. It was like he’d prepared for this, maybe he had. The first thing john did with spread the lube around a bit then slowly start to apply pressure with middle finger, Frank gasped then groaned. 

“ Feels good.” He mumbled so john carried on pushing further and further and then twisting a little. Frank continued to make little noises but nothing that suggested he wanted John to stop. If anything Frank was even tighter than John had imagined and the thought of what it would feel like round his cock sent shivers through him. After twisting his finger back and forth he lowered himself so that his face was in the right position to stretch his tongue out and lick around Franks hole. Sure he didn’t like the thought of licking arsehole but Frank was gonna let him bang him in the arse so the least he could do was make sure he was as up for it as possible. Frank shivered and gasped against him.

“ Jesus Jay a little warning when you are gonna tongue me would be nice.”

“ Sorry.” John apologised and then hesitated.

“ I didn’t say stop.” Frank complained. John smirked and then went all out of Franks arse, fucking him with his tongue and then fingering for good measure, now he knew that Frank could take it he was gonna go as far as he could, stretch his arse out and make him groan. He was doing more than groaning; by the time John added a second finger he was struggling to stay up right. John let him slip down and turn over. He pulled his pants down and stroked his own cock whilst Frank watched letting him take over as he pulled himself onto his knees and took John into his mouth. His eyes fluttered closed as Franks name left his lips. Frank let hand slid down to john’s balls whilst he pushed his mouth down onto his cock, as far as he could go. Then before John even had time to get over that he was moving fast, sinking down and then back up again. He wanted him hard so the faster the better. It wasn’t long before John was pushing him away he could feel the orgasm building up and this time he wanted to cum in Franks arse not on his face. Frank threw him a condom which he had kindly opened so he pulled that over himself before smothering his cock in lube. Then added a bit more for good measure. He played with Franks arse a little first making sure he was still stretched out before he stroked some lube round him. Then he held onto Franks hips and pulled him backwards just a little bit. He’d done girls up the arse before so he sort of knew what he was doing, it was knowing Franks limits that was hard, they were all sluts and this was Franks first time so he had to be careful. He had to manover his cock with his right hand whilst keep Frank steady with the left. When it felt right he nudged forward just and Frank tensed up. He moved a little more and a painful cry escaped from Franks lips. 

“ Its fine.” Frank reassured him after he paused again. To john it felt amazing only the tip of his cock was inside and yet him could feel how warm and moist It was the urge to thrust in fully was so strong but he couldn’t do that to Frank. So he carried on nudging and Frank carried letting out little cries. “ Just go for it Jay.” Frank told him as half his cock was half way in anyway. “ Think I’d rather get all the pain done in one go.” John bit his lip and the pushed harder before pulling out and pushing back in till he was balls deep. He let out a long groan as Frank gasped and whimpered. He still didn’t tell him to stop so John carried on pulling Franks arse cheeks closer as he thrust into him and out again. The friction was almost making him light headed it was so good and although it was wrong he was starting to get turned on every time Frank cried out. The painful cries soon stopped though after John had stretched him enough and he became accustom to the feel Frank too began to help and pushed his arse back against john there were times when he slipped because the pleasure became too much and he couldn’t hold himself steady but the quick unexpected movement only pleasured john more. Once it happened a few times John gestured for frank to lay down on his back. He pulled his arse to him and went in that way which worked better because he could bend over and kiss him, every time he looked in pain john could sooth him with a kiss. He slowed down completely for a moment and just held himself inside Frank as they moved their lips together. Their bodies were warm and sweaty, legs half entwined together. Franks hair was all over the place. John could see that he his lips were swollen were he had bitten down to numb the pain, he could taste the blood and the stinging.Frank groaned as he ran his tongue along where it had split. Then they started again and John went faster this time, wanking Frank as he did so to distract him from some of the pain. Soon he was going too fast for even that though and Frank begged him to slow down so he did but by that time he was too close to climax to stop completely. Frank looked straight into his eyes and encouraged him. 

“Cum for me, please.” Frank whispered. That was all he needed to say and John was gone he half pulled out but still managed to be inside Frank when his load filled the condom. He let out a strangled cry and then slumped himself on the bed. They were both more out of breathe then they had even been. John was aching like fuck so he hated to think how Frank was feeling . He managed to get up and pull the condom off chucking it in the bathroom bin and then made his way back to Frank who hadn’t moved a muscle. 

“ You okay?” he whispered softly to him as he wrapped the cover round their naked bodies. Frank turned into him and snuggled into his chest. John was so relieved.

“ I’m better than okay.” He whispered into John’s lips, voice a little croaky.


	9. "You think he’s still gonna love you after he finds out what you’ve done?"

It was weird the day they played spurs; they barely got to say a word to each other. They were too busy doing press conferences, training and meetings. They didn’t even get to train together José wanted Frank to show Mata how it was done properly. He didn’t even have much time to think about Frank. He had his head in the game, was on full captain mode. 

Frank didn’t mind as he said to John before they left no matter what happens they would spend the end of the day consoling each other or celebrating together. 

“ yeah it doesn’t matter as long as I get to come home to you.” John had told him. 

Why did that have to be the last thing he said?

There had been such a build up to this, José had made it clear that they couldn’t go wrong otherwise there would be big consequences. But all the boys were geared up for it. They were raring to go in the Tunnel. After all this talk everyone just wanted to get out there and do it. He took one last quick look at Frank before they shook hands. He didn’t smile but he gave him a look of acknowledgment, that was good enough. 

As the game got underway his eyes were on the ball, always on the ball. Spurs kept the defenders busy but him, Ash, luiz and ivanovic were a solid back four. They managed to block it out, stop them from getting to close. Defence was strong, Midfield were strong. It was just the attack that was letting them down. It frustrated him because they’d do all the work to get the ball down the other end and within seconds possession was lost. It happened time and time again. He could tell Frank was trying to do something about it by pushing himself forward and there were times when he made a good run but he had no one there to back him up. Torres was having a terrible came and Hazard just kept pelting them over the bar.   
He saw Frank made a run for it again and this time he was sure he’d made it, he slid it into Torres who flipped it over the head of the defenders, Franks head was just about to make contact with the ball when Dawson’s foot smashed into him and he fell to the floor. John was yelling his protest at the ref before he even got any closer, he didn’t have a good eye on the ball when it happened but he knew no way was that a decent tackle. He was still in the middle of arguing when he realised that Frank wasn’t up off the field yet, there was a crowd of people around him but it didn’t even look like he was moving. His heart stopped, he stopped listening to the ref and legged it as fast as he could to Frank pushing everyone out the way.   
He was laying their motionless, blood pouring from a massive gash on the side his head. They worked on him, managing to stop most of the bleeding as they carefully lifted him onto a stretcher.

“ Frank!” John sobbed down on his knees. “ Talk to me.” He asked stroking his cheek. The other players gave him strange looks but he couldn’t give a fuck about them. Frank didn’t respond as John cried over him. They were insisting that he needed to be moved off the pitch but John didn’t listen. He bent down and gave Frank a kiss, hoping behold hope that it would be like the movies and he would suddenly open his eyes but he didn’t he remained cold and unresponsive and then Ashley pulled John and away and he sobbed even more breaking free of the hold and following Frank as they took him off the pitch. He didn’t listen to the shouts from the other players or the taunts from the crowd, he just dove into the ambulance with Frank ignoring the paramedics confused looks. He continued to cry as they made their way to the hospital. He knew he’d get a 3 match ban or worse for running off the pitch like that but there were more important things in life than football. He didn’t ask any questions, didn’t have any strength but what he gathered from their conversation is they were going to take him to the hospital, stitch him up properly, do a scan of his brain and then hope that the swelling went down on its own. 

They wouldn’t let him into the room whilst they were stitching him up and he thought about kicking and screaming but he’d caused enough trouble for one day. Whilst he was in getting the scan done his dad showed up. John didn’t moved from the plastic seat as he sat down next to him. He still had his head in his hands. 

“ what the fuck do you think you’re playing at?” he asked him. John looked up into his annoyed eyes and sighed, any other time he would have had him against the wall but Frank wouldn’t like that.

“ Look before you start having a go at me you might want to think about what’s more important the fact that me and Frank are gay together or whatever or the fact that he’s laying in a hospital bed with a fractured skull and possible brain Hemorrhage.”

“ He can recover from a fractured skull, he’s in the best place for it. What he can’t recover from is the massive dent you’ve just put in his football career.”  
“ It shouldn’t matter!” John yelled “ It shouldn’t fucking matter, I’m sick of hearing about what it will do to our careers how does who he’s in a relationship with affect his ability to play football? It doesn’t! We’re suppose to be all for equal rights this days and yet people are just as fucking harsh as they used to be. It doesn’t matter what it does to our football careers okay because Frank loves me and I love him.” Frank senior narrowed his eyes.  
"You think he’s still gonna love you after he finds out what you’ve done?"  
**********************************************************************************  
Frank woke up not long after going for the scan. Thankfully his brain hadn’t haemorrhaged and the swelling was gradually reducing. He was allowed one visitor at a time.  
As much as John wanted to go and see Frank first they wouldn’t let him because he wasn’t family. He just wanted the chance to explain that he hadn’t kissed frank to expose them, he never meant for that to happen he just saw him in pain and he wanted to make it better. He would have done anything to get Frank to open his eyes.   
Franks dad was right though he was going to be angry. He hadn’t been through as much shit as John had in his football career. Frank was as close to innocent as you could get even with the sex tape, that was early enough in his career for everyone to forget. John had been through so many scandals that another one would hardly matter. He had tried so hard to get people to remember him for his football skills and not his rumoured bedroom antics, most of which weren’t true and then the racism claim had come and now that was all people saw. He didn’t care though because the people that mattered still supported him, they realised that people make mistakes and they forgave him for his. They were the only people he needed to care about, the haters weren’t worth his time. Frank was worth his time though and he didn’t know if he could deal with the hate that was bound to come his way.  
He stayed silent as John first walked into the room and never of them said a thing. Frank’s wound had been stitched up and he had a bandage round his head to help reduce the swelling, he still looked pale and fragile.   
“ why’d you do it?” Frank asked.   
“ It wasn’t like I meant to.”  
“ Pretty big mistake to make.” It scared John how little emotion there was in Franks voice. It was like he had decided he wasn’t even worth the anger.   
“ Maybe I just thought that your wellbeing was more important than what everybody else thinks” The room stayed silent for a minute and John thought that Frank got it and he understood.   
“ That wasn’t your choice to make!” Frank yelled. “ We are in a relationship John we don’t just make huge decisions like that on our own. You know I actually thought you cared about me.”  
“ I do care about you.” John pleaded.  
“ No you don’t you just want the sex don’t you? You don’t care about what I want or how I feel. You didn’t listen to me when I told you not to tell Toni and now you go and kiss me in front of 42 thousand people, not to mention all the bloody cameras.”  
“ Don’t try and turn this all onto me, I’m not the one who is ashamed to admit what he wants. Do you know how it feels knowing how ashamed of me you are? Knowing that other people’s opinions matter more to you than my feelings.  
“ well I guess neither of us care then, there you go we wrecked our careers for nothing. You happy now?”  
John didn’t answer, He didn’t even look into Franks eyes before he left. He just ran and kept running.


	10. "That’s posh talk for I don’t give a fuck.”

Frank was out of hospital two days after the incident. He’d talk to his agent and stuff about how they were going to handle the media and the plan was to not answer any questions concerning his personal life for the time being which was fine by him. Every time someone mentioned Johns name Franks heart sank. He knew he’d been harsh at the hospital but he expected them to sort things out he never expected to come home and find John gone. It looked like he hadn’t even been in the house since they had left on Saturday morning , none of his stuff was gone and everything was still in the same place it had been before. The only thing that was missing was John’s car and his car keys that had been on the side. He tried ringing him but there was no answer, he tried ringing Toni but she hadn’t seen him either. That’s when he really started to panic.  
Where the hell was he?   
He hadn’t been to see Summer and Georgie and he hadn’t been to Stamford bridge to sort things out there. Frank had a meeting on the day he got out of hospital. They basically told him that the way him and John dealt with things wasn’t right but the club would never discriminate against any of their players because of their sexuality. He should of known that a big club like Chelsea wouldn’t risk looking bad by getting rid of him and John right after they had come out the closet. Just like he should have known that his dad would come round and be completely supportive. He was worried about John too, apparently frank wasn’t the only one that had words at the hospital.   
“ I stepped over the line. I said some things I shouldn’t have. I realise now that this is out and there is nothing we can do about that. You need to get through this with each other because if you try and do it alone it’s going to be a lot harder.” His told him. It was easier for him to say. Frank wanted to be with John more than anything in the world but the truth was he couldn’t find him anywhere. His mum hadn’t heard from him, none of his friends had heard from him. Even the media hadn’t caught up with him. It was just like he’d vanished. The last time he had been seen was leaving the hospital. He must of come back to Franks for his car but then where? His wallet, keys and phone were still in the locker at the football ground so he didn’t even have any money.   
Then he thought to himself if Johns keys were in the locker at the bridge how had he managed to get into the house. There was only one other person that had a key to his front door.   
“ Elen I know I’m a heartless bastard okay you’ve told me a thousand times and believe me I’m not disagreeing with you but please just tell me where he went.”   
“ why should I tell you? You should have seen how sad he was, didn’t stop crying all the way to your house. Good job I left the girls with Bruce.” As if Frank didn’t feel bad enough the thought of John in tears broke him even more.   
“ Please, I just want to know that he’s okay” he pleaded  
“ How could he be okay? He was brave enough to comfort you in front of all them people and what did you do? Threw it back in his face! Its always football, football, football with you. There are more important things than football!”  
“ I know, I know I want to make it better, I do but I can’t do that if I can’t find him.”  
“ I don’t know where he went. He rang me from the hospital on some strange number in tears telling me you said you don’t care for him anymore. He asked me for a lift and the key. So I took him there. He comes out ten minutes later with his car keys and a lot of wine. The he drove off, I don’t know where.” She explained. Frank maybe should have noticed that all the wine was gone, 6 bottles from the bottom tray of the fridge, but he was a bit too preoccupied to fancy a drink. That meant John was getting drunk somewhere.   
“ Thanks Elen.” He told her thinking that if he went to Toni he could find out any likely places John would go to drink himself to death.   
“ Don’t thank me I did it for him not you.” She told him before hanging up.  
**********************************************************************************  
“ If he hasn’t gone to his mums then I don’t know what to tell you Frank sorry.” Toni told him as he turned up on her doorstep, it was easier to talk face to face. He could tell that she thought he was a heartless bastard too but whether that was because of what he had done to John or because he had stolen her husband wasn’t clear.   
“ do you have any other houses or anything like that?” he knew he was clutching at straws but if they didn’t find him soon he’d have to ring the police.  
“ He has some empty properties being renovated on the other side of London but why would he go there? I mean there is nothing in them, not even any electricity.” It was a long shot but Frank had to try it, after that he’d have to start looking round all the hospitals. It was a 2 hour drive away and as he drove all he could think about was how much of a dick he’d been. He would have done exactly the same if it was John laying there on the grass fighting for his life; you don’t think about football in that moment of course you don’t. Thinking back to the hospital he wished that he hadn’t looked at John as he walked away because now all he could remember was the hurt in his eyes, all he could think about was him passed out on a dirty floor all alone. There was a sinking feeling in his heart telling him that what he had done was unthinkable. Telling someone you love that you don’t care about them, basically telling John he had no career left and that he had just left his wife and kids for jack shit.   
Would John forgive him?  
He wouldn’t blame John if he didn’t forgive and forget. It wasn’t a mistake that Frank had made he’d intentionally said those words to hurt John as much as he could. He didn’t mean them, of course he cared. John was the most important thing in the world to him, he’d helped him so many times through the years and he was always there. Without John Frank probably wouldn’t even be where he was in his career. He was scared that was all and that fear turned into anger. He never was as strong as John, not when it comes to the insults that get thrown at them every day. There are more chants made up about JT then there are the whole team put together and yet he manages to turn that anger into something positive on the field. He uses it as an incentive to show the fans exactly how good he is. Whereas with Frank someone calls him fat and he just wants to curl up and go to sleep forever. It was John that use to comfort him after those kinds of things where yelled at him, john who got so much worse said about himself. He wanted to put Frank in a bubble and protect him and that’s exactly what he would do know If people called them queer or whatever phrase they use these days. John would have always protected Frank but now he was probably going to be the one throwing the punches. If he ever found him that was.  
**********************************************************************************  
When he saw Johns car he almost cried with relief. He would have laughed at how wonky John had parked if he didn’t know he was in such a state. The property was huge, had its own little road going on to it. That’s where Johns car was abandoned. It was another five minute walk up to the front door. He wondered if it was alarmed but John had probably disabled those. As desperate as he was to see him he walked up to the door slowly and then only knocked after taking a few deep breathes. He had to knock countless amount of times before he heard movement. His heart beat sped up as he heard john right on the other side of the door but he didn’t say anything, couldn’t if he tried. He was frozen to the spot. However as soon as the door opened it was slammed in his face. He only got the slightest glimpse of Johns face and even from that he didn’t look good.   
“ John!” Frank pleaded banging his fists on the door. He could tell that he hadn’t moved, he was sitting on the other side or the door waiting for Frank to leave.   
“ What are you doing here? I thought I wrecked your life.” He had to sit down and press his ear to the wood to hear actually what John was saying it was clear from his cracked voice that he’d been crying or still was.  
How many tears had he shred in the last few days?   
“ I spent the last two days looking for you.” He told him hoping it would show how much he cared.  
“ What so you can yell at me some more?” He’d never heard John this upset. Normally he would scream and shout before he broke down. It wasn’t like him to drop all his defences.  
“ I’m sorry okay, I love you..just open the door.”  
“ I don’t believe you.” John insisted. “ I was always the one that loved you more, I never stopped thinking about you for 6 months, pining after you. How sad is that?  
“ It’s not sad at all..Not when I..when I spent a year and a half debating whether I should tell you I was in love with you.   
“ What?” he sounded truly speechless, like he thought Frank was lying again.  
“ What did you think I was doing that day when you walked in on me wanking? Christine was downstairs with you and Toni If I wanted to fuck her I would have but I didn’t want her. I wanted you and every part of me was wishing that she’d send you up to get me for dinner and she did. But then the way you looked at me, the way you walked out and never said another word about it. I just assumed that you didn’t feel the same that you were disgusted and-” The door swung open as he was half way through the sentence and he feel backwards onto the wooden floor. John didn’t help him get up, so he wasn’t totally forgiven then. He went dizzy as he stood up and swayed a little. The head injury was still a bugger.   
It was dark inside. The curtains were drawn and the only thing on the floor was an old blanket and littered wine bottles, all of them empty. Once the door was closed it felt like night time, it was light enough to see but everything was in shadow. John looked terrible, blood shoot eyes, stubble on his chin and pale skin. He was still in the kit he’d left the stadium in although he had kicked the boots off.   
“ What about Christine?” John asked. You were in bits when she dumped you.” John said still refusing to look Frank straight in the eye.   
“ Just because I fell in love with you doesn’t mean I didn’t still like Christine. I liked her a lot plus she was the only distraction I had.  
“ Okay, so you might have loved me then but you don’t now.” He insisted. Frank tried to move closer to him but he stepped away.  
“ How are you so sure about that?”   
“ You don’t hurt the people you love Frank, not like this.” Frank looked at John and then to the floor, he couldn’t bear to look at what he had done.   
“ You once asked me If I would still love you if you made a mistake. Well now I’m asking you?” Frank told him.  
“Telling someone that you don’t give a fuck about them isn’t a mistake.”   
“I never said that.” Frank insisted.   
“You said that neither of us cared meaning you don’t care. That’s posh talk for I don’t give a fuck.”   
“ Alright, well I never meant it.”   
“ Then why did you say it?” John challenged. “ you either said it because it’s the truth or because you just wanted to hurt me.  
“ I said it because I was angry and scared, I took it out on you when I shouldn’t have and I know how wrong that is but I’m trying to make it right. I’m supposed to be in bed, my head feels like shit and I’m not allowed to drive but guess what I just did a 2 hour trip for you. I wouldn’t have stopped till I found you. I knew there was a chance you’d punch me in the face and I don’t expect you to greet me with open arms but can we at least try and sort this out because I do love you, I truly do probably just as much as I love my kids and you know how much that is. I’ll do anything to make It up to you and I promise that I’ll never ever put people’s judgements before your feelings again. Just please come home with me?” John took a look round the room and down at himself before answering. He looked frank in the eyes for the first time in days.  
“ Fine…but only because I need a shower.” Frank smiled. It was only a tiny step forward but it was a start.


	11. "Can we still make this work?"

“ Maybe we shouldn’t go to ours.” Frank said after 10 minutes of driving. John had insisted on being in the driver’s seat, saying that he didn’t want Frank to kill them. “ I mean there are swarms of paparazzi outside.” John gave him a hurt look and he instantly explained himself. “ I didn’t mean because I don’t want them to see us together. I meant because It’s probably best if they don’t see you like that isn’t it? John had to agree, god knows what stories they would make up if they saw the state of him. They were already all over the front pages, the less they did to attract attention to themselves the better.   
“ Where then?” he asked.   
“ We could go to dad’s I mean it’s closer anyway.” Frank suggested.   
“ Your dad hates me.” John told him.  
“ No he doesn’t, he’s been really supportive in helping me try and find you and he says he wants to apologise for whatever he said at the hospital.”  
“ Funny how everyone wants to apologise now I look like shit.” John mumbled.   
“ please.” Frank asked.  
“ I’m getting straight in the shower.” John told him. “ I don’t want any more heart to hearts I just wanna wash and then sleep. Frank agreed, of course he did he would agree to anything If it made John happy and he wasn’t really asking for much.   
Going to his dads cut the journey by about half hour, they didn’t really talk but it wasn’t an awkward silence, more that they were both knackered. As Soon as they got there John took his dad’s apology with a simple nod and then went upstairs for a shower.  
“ Well he looks like shit.” He commented once he was gone. “ were did you find him?”   
“ In one of his abandoned properties, on the other side of London. I’ve gotta go and get my car yet.” They had driven back in Johns so Franks was still out there.   
“ I’ll go get it, I’ll get Danny from next door to give me a hand” He offered“ You two need some time alone to sort things out and you need some rest.” He was so grateful. The thought of going out there again made his head spin.  
“ Thanks dad.” He told giving him the keys before he started to make a cup of tea for him and John. He didn’t know whether he would want one but it was best to just in case.   
“ Frank.” His dad said just before he left.   
“ hmm.” He said as he looked up in acknowledgment.  
“ No funny business in my house, the rule still stands.” Frank had to laugh.  
“ Dad he’s hardly talking to me, believe me you have nothing to worry about.” His dad just nodded and then left leaving Frank alone in the kitchen.  
**********************************************************************************  
John was laying on the bed in the guest room, just a towel wrapped round his hips. He looked a lot fresher, less pale and the stubble was gone. Hopefully after a good sleep the bloodshot eyes would be gone too and he would be back to John. Frank wouldn’t have to feel guilty every time he looked at him and remembered that it was him that made John run and hide. He set the cup of tea down on the bed side table and sat on the corner of the bed. His instinct was telling him to reach out and comfort him but john wouldn’t want that would he.   
“ Can I touch you?” Frank asked weakly.   
“ I suppose so.” That’s not what he wanted to say, he wanted to tell Frank that he needed him more than anything right now. He wanted to kiss him, take him and bury himself inside him so they could both forget but he was too scared for that.   
What If he gave Frank everything just for him to snatch it away again?  
He didn’t want to open up because the more he showed his feelings the more it would hurt if Frank yelled at him again. He was still annoyed at him too, Frank didn’t deserve to be kissed. He let him in just a little though because he needed that. It helped him relax having Frank spooning him. He was holding on tighter than usual scared that John would run away again. Soon his grip relaxed though and he started to run his thumb along Johns rib cage just like he used to. At some point they managed to get under the covers and the towel fell from the bed in the process. He was completely naked but Frank didn’t take advantage of that his hands stayed above waist level. He didn’t feel like sex anyway. He just wanted to be close.   
“ I missed you.” John let out before he realised that he was probably saying too much. Frank could have said that it was his fault for running away or that it had only been 2 days but he didn’t.  
“ I missed you too.” He admitted.   
**********************************************************************************  
His dad came and woke them up a few hours after he got back so they could have dinner. He eyed Frank suspiciously after finding them in the bed together but looked pleased when he got out of the bed fully clothed. He had to leant John some clothes though as he didn’t really want to get back in his kit.   
He’d made homemade soup and they all sat round the table to eat it.. in silence.  
“ Have you two not made up yet?” He asked them, when he found them they were cuddled up together in the bed so he assumed that things were fine again but now he wasn’t so sure.  
“What’s there to say? he likes fucking me but he’s ashamed to admit it. You can’t build a relationship when one of you is refusing to admit it’s even real.” His dad filched at the word fuck but got over it quickly enough.  
“ I’m not ashamed, I was scared there is a difference.”   
“ Scared of admitting your with me?”  
“ No scared of the insults that are going to come my way, scared of the intrusive questions people are gonna ask. Its been two days, you haven’t even been here and I’ve lost count of the amount of times people have asked me If I take it up the arse.” His dad wasn’t exactly comfortable with the line of conversation but it was better than the silence so he had to take it.   
“You ignore them and you don’t answer. You know I’ll always be there to protect you if some dick goes too far. It’ll die down Frank and not everyone is like that there will be plenty of supportive people out there and those are the ones you focus on.” Frank had to admit in with all the shit he had been congratulated on his new relationship a fair few times.   
“Will you still be there for me? Can we still make this work?”  
“ Of course we can but I’m still mad at you.”   
“ What am I supposed to do to make it better?” Frank asked.  
“ Oh I dunno.” John smirked. “ I have a few things in mind.” Franks dad nearly chocked on his soup.  
**********************************************************************************  
They didn’t stay at his dad’s for long, they couldn’t stay in the bubble that they had created forever. John needed to go back to the bridge and face up to what he had done. He was terrified about it, Frank could see it in his eyes. The whole of the journey home he was shaking and he didn’t say a word, just kept his eyes forward on the road. Until Frank reached out and stroked his hand along his thigh, to reassure him that everything was going to be okay and this time no matter what happened they would end the day together. He felt Johns legs move nervously underneath him as he ran his finger along the material of his jeans. That was the closest they had been since the argument, the first time Frank had reached out and touched him without asking for his permission.  
“ Its gonna be okay you know, I was scared too but they weren’t that bad.” Frank told him, his hand still resting on Johns leg.   
“ They wouldn’t be that bad with you. What have you ever done wrong you’re the golden boy and plus you know I was the one that instigated that kiss, the one that walked off the pitch and disappeared for 4 days. I’m the one that’s supposed to be the captain. The team lead by my example. What if they take the captaincy of me Frank?” He took his hand away slowly and sighed.   
“ They won’t, you explain to them okay. Don’t yell or get angry. Explain to them that you went off the pitch because you were worried about a member or your team. Captain’s look out for their players and that is what you were doing. There is no way you could have played the last 20 minutes with where your head was at, convince them that if you were on the pitch you would have been no good anyway. José will be there, he’s the one you need to make understand and he likes you, you and me. You won’t get off scott free you might get a fine and a 3 match ban maybe.”  
“ I’ve been thinking about that.” John said. “ Am I even allowed to fuck you? Are we allowed to bang other players or do they have a no sexual relations with anyone you work with kind of thing.” It wasn’t the kind of question Frank thought he would have to answer but John was talking and that was a good sign so he would try his best.  
“ They can’t have otherwise they would have said something to me when I went in the other day but they didn’t, they said they wish we had come out sooner and reassured me we would get the clubs full support.”   
“ That’s one thing that goes in my favour, they don’t wanna look homophobic… Oh joy look we’ve got a welcome home party.” They could see the crowds of people before they even turned the corner.   
“ Dad said it wasn’t that bad earlier.” Frank told him as a few of the paparazzi already started legging it towards the car. God knows why they would get nothing through the black out windows. Franks dad had taken his car back on his way into London that morning and he said there wasn’t many about. They did usually lurk in the evening though, one last ditch attempt to get a good picture before they finished for the day.   
“ Who cares anyway they are gonna get a photo of us soon. I wish they would move out the fucking way though.” It was a very slow process to get down the road, up to his house, through the gate and actually park. They could already hear some of the stuff they were yelling as they sat in the car.   
“ You wanna just camp out here for the night?” Frank said jokily. But john noticed the little worry line above his nose.   
“ Calm down. What’s the worse thing they can ask? They can ask you if you suck my cock and if I take you up the arse and all that shit but it doesn’t really matter. They can ask as much as they like they aren’t gonna get an answer.” Frank bit his lip and nodded, taking his seatbelt and going for the door. John stopped him.   
“ Can I hold your hand.” He asked sheepishly. It was possibly the cutest thing in the world and Frank had to smile. It was like being in school again. He knew John only asked because of what happened when he kissed him without asking but this was different, Frank was up for this.   
“ Course.” He answered, loving the pleased little smile that John gave him in return. Then they jumped out of the car as face as they could, the yelling became annoying almost instantly but it was okay because John met him on the other side of the car and grabbed his hand, gave him a reassuring squeeze and entwined their fingers. The paps loved that.   
Frank had the key and amazingly he managed to open the door without disconnecting from John at all. He didn’t want to let go John was warm and comforting and thinking about the way his hand felt was a distraction from listening to the questions being yelled out at them. They had to unlink their hands as Frank disabled the alarm and John slid his Jacket off, he was still in the clothes he had borrow from Frank.  
The house was a mess, just the way Frank had left it. He didn’t much feel like cleaning when John wasn’t there, he had no one to take the piss out of him and to be honest he’d been spending so much time looking for John that he hadn’t even noticed the state of the house. There were countless tea and coffee mugs on the table, blankets all over the floor and the telly was still on; paused on the news report Frank had been watching about the game. It was paused just as John leant in for the kiss. Frank had watched it back a few times. John didn’t seem to care about the mess, he just plonked himself down grabbed a blanket and pressed play, before rewinding it so he could watch the whole thing. Frank watched him with curious eyes wanting to know how he would react.   
He looked sad as he watched himself run towards Frank on the screen. His hands were fiddling with the blankets but he didn’t take his eyes off the telly. Frank couldn’t even bear to look up, he’d seen it so many times already. That’s what he spent his time doing when John was gone, staring at the telly watching John plead with him to wake up and crying. The look of heart break on Johns face as he realised that Frank wasn’t moving was devastating. John gestured for him to sit down rather than hovering at the door and he did so slowly, watching now as John fell to his knees and sobbed for him.   
“ I didn’t kiss you right away” John commented making Frank look up just as he sat down. “ look.” He told him as he rewound it. “ I tried calling your name, all the usual stuff.” Frank knew he had but he looked up anyway, subconsciously moving closer to John as he did so.   
“I hate watching this bit.” He protested. Johns sobbing could be heard even over the annoying commentary and the crowd noise. They both sat still as they watched the kiss, it was barely anything really a short touch to the lips. He pulled away as soon as he realised that Frank wasn’t going to respond. The crowd noise changed instantly, there was rather a lot of cheering as the commentator said what an interesting development it was. There was a round of boos as John ran off the pitched but mostly it sounded like the crowd were in shock. Play resumed after a few more moments, Once Dawson was booked. But with 2 men down it was a real struggle, they played really well but it was almost an impossible challenge and in the end they lost 3-0. It could have been a lot worse but as one of their players was sent off too they weren’t up to usual standards.   
“ I’ve got so many people to apoligise to, the Manager, the fans, the players.”   
“ Coley text me whilst I was in hospital at first he wanted to know why I didn’t tell him, then he wanted to know where you were so he could beat your arse for leaving but after you disappeared he was really worried. He said he spoke to the other guys and most of them are understanding.”  
“ most of them?” He asked. Although he knew straight away who out of the team would be okay with this and who wouldn’t and it was alright because the supportive ones were the better players anyway, well he thought so.”  
“ I haven’t seen many of them,” Frank admitted he was on leave for a few weeks, doctors orders. “ I know Andre, Mata, Nando, Luiz and Oscar are cool, they needed a bit of explaining, that was akward, but they’re okay and Petr and Coley. So that’s the majority. The others will just have to deal with it won’t they.”   
“ They will.” John agreed turning Franks face towards him so that he could gently run his finger along the stitches. It stung but Frank didn’t move. The actual gash was just above his eyes brow, it wasn’t too long maybe 5 or 6 cms but it was grossly deep as a result of having Dawson’s studs collide with his skull, obviously now it was all cleaned and just a jagged line of dissolvable stitches. There was still quite a bit of bruising there. It wasn’t the external injury that was the problem though, his brain was still recovering from the swelling hence the constant headaches and random dizziness, the speed of the collision had done that. He was going in pretty fast, whether he was going for the ball or not he deserved the red card. “ I’m sorry.” John told him still staring at the stiches.   
“ What for?” Frank asked.  
“ Everything, the last few days. Maybe if I handled it differently we wouldn’t be in this situation.”  
“ I don’t mind it so much, we don’t have to lie anymore, and we don’t have to tell everyone. I was shitting myself about what to say to my dad but its done now and you know I can touch you whenever I like.” He told him softly, giving him a gentle kiss to prove his point. “ Plus we are in this together now, whatever shit they throw at us we just kick it back yeah?”  
“ Yeah we’ll kick arse.” It might have sounded a bit more convincing If he wasn’t snuggled into Franks neck. But that’s where he always wanted to be; with Frank. When he was with him he was strong, They made each other stronger. John would deal with the media and Frank would deal with john, he’d kiss him better when things went wrong and calm him down when he was angry.  
It wasn’t gonna be easy but It would be one hell of a journey wouldn’t it?


End file.
